Wiregrass Seniors Magazine May 2018 MAY ISSUE | Page 17

WiregrassSeniorsMagazine.com
Where To Live In Retirement?
Page 17
You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where...
You are willing to park 3 blocks away because
you found shade.
You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and
never leave town.
You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what
hits you in the face when you open your oven
door.
The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You can Live in the Deep South where...
You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same
store.
"y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
"He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
Sweet tea is..well...sweet.
You can Live in California where... You can live in Colorado where...
You make over $250,000 and you still can't
afford to buy a house.
The fastest part of your commute is going down
your driveway.
You drive your rented Mercedes to your neigh-
borhood block party.
When someone asks you how far something is, you
tell them how long it will take to get there rather
than how many miles away it is.
The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and HOT You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your
$500 car.
You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his
way home and he stops at the day care center.
A pass does not involve a football or dating.
The top of your head is bald, but you still have
a pony tail.
You can live in the Midwest where...
You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor
knows your name.
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to
You can get into a four-hour argument about how pass a tractor.
to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on
can't find Wisconsin on a map.
the same day.
You think Central Park is "nature."
When asked how your trip was to any exotic
You believe that being able to swear at people in place, you say, "It was different!"
their own language makes you multi-lingual.
You've worn out a car horn.
AND You can live in Florida where...
You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You can Live in New York City where...
You can Live in Maine where...
You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup,
and Tabasco.
Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
You have more than one recipe for moose.
Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than
eight buttons.
The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost
winter, and construction.
You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
All purchases include a coupon of some kind --
even houses and cars.
Everyone can recommend an excellent
dermatologist.
Road construction never ends anywhere in the
state.
Cars in front of you are often driven by head-
less people.
Wherever you go, there's no place like home.