With great fortune guiding our choices, we attended the Clark
family reunion in North Carolina in July 2014. This annual gathering was for my wife’s father’s side of the family.
(For those keeping score at home, you may have surmised that
my in-laws had the same last name, Clark, prior to getting married. Insert Southern joke here. But I digress . . .)
Give Practically
Every Christmas, I would receive several pairs of socks from
Memaw. My wife? Undies. Memaw believed in offering gifts
she knew would be of use to us. Knowing this helped ease the
discomfort of watching my wife unwrap ladies’ undergarments
from her grandmother each holiday.
On our last day visiting Memaw, she insisted she make fried
squash for me prior to our heading to the airport. My heart was
set on the leftover fried shrimp from Sunday’s lunch. So, what
did I have for lunch? Fried shrimp and fried squash. And I loved
it, despite the absence of my gall bladder, which made for a
slightly uncomfortable trip through three airports that Monday.
I considered the mild burning in my midsection to be warmth in
my heart from Memaw’s kindness.
In our pantry closet are four jars of stewed tomatoes. These
canned goods came from Memaw’s loving touch. Even though
I am not a fan of the stewed tomato, my wife loved receiving
these Southern delicacies. They are a good foil for macaroni and
cheese, I have learned.
Sadly, that was the last time we saw Memaw. I was so grateful for
her kind way. And her fried squash.
Be Influential
Serve Others
Memaw was going on mission trips to Alaska into her late
eighties and early nineties. Who does that? The simple answer is,
Memaw did. She had a heart filled with Otherliness. The forthcoming book, “Engaging the Head, Heart and Hands of a Volunteer,” defines Otherliness as placing the needs, wants and desires
of others ahead of our own. Memaw was the living example of
Otherliness.
In her younger years, Sadie was a carhop at the local drive-in
burger joint. I envisioned her wearing navy blue pedal-pushers
and a white button-down top, with a cap slightly tilted on her
head, as if stepping off the set of American Graffiti.
Her heart for hospitality was strong throughout her entire life.
She served on her church’s kitchen committee for forty-seven
years!
Memaw served others. Thanks for living your life in this way. As
did she, so should we.
Be Proud of Your Heritage
Memaw came of age in a time when the people of this country did not celebrate our origins as it is now customary to do.
Memaw’s ancestors did not travel far to land in Wilmington. In
fact, they didn’t travel at all. She was a full-blooded member of
the Lumbee nation, the largest Native American tribe east of the
Mississippi River.
Horrible stereotypes of Native Americans existed in the early
twentieth century, guiding people to suppress or even denounce
their connections to a once-proud and prosperous people.
Only in later life was there a push for the lineage to register their
affiliation. My wife, Kristy, is registered. Even though her blonde
hair and fair skin are not dead give-aways in her appearance,
she is 50% Native American. Her tribal affiliation is a source of
pride. She is honored to be connected to from where she came.
Socks. Underwear. Stewed tomatoes. Memaw gave with a practical bent. Her sensible nature was a model for all of us to follow.
I watched this interaction, many times over, occur across three
generations of women. The phrases “Do we want to do X?” or
“Didn’t you say you wanted to go to Y?” or “Wouldn’t it be better
if we got Z instead?” were commonplace. Memaw had a way of
telling you what you were supposed to think, feel, say and do.
Her power of suggestion was strong.
Yes, my mother-in-law does this, too. And so does her daughter.
Granted, when my wife attempts this, it feels a little less influential and a little more manipulative. When I call them out for
trying this, their response is, “At least we came by it honestly.”
Nature or nurture? I am not sure. Maybe both.
When Memaw broke out these lines, she was merely suggesting.
I suppose we all gave her a pass on these kinds of things. At
times, we should all feel emboldened to express to others what
we want.
Choose Your Favorites
Can we be real for a moment? You can’t love everybody. Even in
your own family. Am I right here? Sure, you love them because
they are your family. But, would you choose each of them to be
your family if you could?
Memaw had favorites. I want to believe I was one of them. I am
not so sure she loved me because I was me. I think she loved me
because she saw I brought joy into her granddaughter’s heart.
Acknowledge the connection you establish with those special
people in your life. Be unabashed in expressing love for those
who bring joy to your days. Just like Memaw did.
Memaw, we miss you terribly. After ninety-four years, your work
was done here. We learned so much from your beautiful example. Your legacy lives on. God needed you to continue your work
with Him. And I know you have.
While assimilating into American culture, we should also lift
up the bloodlines of those who forged our path. Thank you,
Memaw, for eventually realizing this.
MAY 2015
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WINTER GARDEN MAGAZINE
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