COACHING
What We Say to Our Players
Daniel Rudolph // Greater Boston Bolts , Stoughton High School
We came out a little flat and quickly went down 1-0 . The opposition seemed to be surpassing us in terms of spacing and possession . Then , as their left wing collected the ball , my right back pounced and stole the ball before the wing could take his second touch . I breathed a sigh of relief . As my right back started the transition , I heard the opposing coach say to his player , “ If I knew you were going to play like that , I would have left you at home .”
This wasn ’ t the first time I had heard a coach use sarcasm or ridicule on the field . This past fall , the opposing coach called out to his U13 player , “ You are running like you have a pole up your butt .” I have also heard the classic , “ You turn like a cruise ship .”
Where are coaches learning to speak like this to their players ? How are professional coaches led to believe that this unkindness is an acceptable way of speaking to children ?
From what I have observed through the years , there is a pervasive culture of sarcasm and ridicule that infects a small but significant section of our coaching profession . And it needs to be recognized , called out and , ultimately , addressed .
Joe Ehrmann , famous coach educator , writes in his influential book “ InSideOut Coaching ”:
“ If I coach with hostility — my players learn to be hostile . If I coach with ridicule — my players learn to disengage . If
I coach with shame — my players learn to be ashamed . If I coach with sarcasm — my players learn to hide . If I coach with love — my players learn how to be loved . If I coach with tolerance — my players learn to be patient . If I coach with encouragement — my players learn to encourage . If I coach with empathy — my players learn to express their feelings .”
It needs to be asked : who is on the receiving end of these comments ? Is it our most talented players ? Or is it the kids that need us the most — the ones at the end of the bench , the least talented on the team ? Of course , these coaches who ridicule are more likely to dish it out to the players lower on the totem pole . They are the last ones who need this kind of sarcasm , the ones who need the most care and encouragement .
I was having dinner one night during my C License certification . A group of us were discussing this topic and one of the coaches said he had told a player recently that “ he turned like milk .” Having just read “ InSideOut Coaching ,” I saw an opportunity and said that this had no place in coaching in this day and age . I was met with stiff resistance and was laughed at myself .
There is often talk in our community about how to keep kids involved in soccer . The conversation should start with an examination of the Golden Rule ( treating others the way you want to be treated ) and having more experienced mentors show how to positively influence the lives of the children in our care . n
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