SPECIAL INSERT Source : Dare to Lead Podcast , Brené Brown
COACHING
SPECIAL INSERT Source : Dare to Lead Podcast , Brené Brown
“ In the absence of brave leadership :
• We avoid tough conversations
• We avoid giving honest , productive feedback
Culturally , the result of the tough conversation tap out is ‘ nice ’ culture . This ‘ nice ’ problem Brown refers to finding among the organizations she works with is the same one I experience often in my work with athletic teams . She goes on to say this , and what they ( leaders who bring this problem up to her ) don ’ t understand is : a ‘ nice ’ problem is actually a fear problem . And fear doesn ’ t cause people to be nice , fear causes people to talk about people instead of talking to them , which is not nice .”
Bottom line : we must have hard conversations with the people who affect our culture .
There , tucked among your team of players and staff , is the constant pull to balance what you , as the head coach , will hear about the true behaviors of the team . With every conversation and interaction , your program is pushed toward or away from your version of the most ideal culture . According to Jeff Polzer of the Harvard Business School ( referred to in Daniel Coyle ’ s “ Culture Code ”), especially important are early interactions surrounding vulnerability and disagreement . Polzer suggests that it is within interactions surrounding these important and inevitable challenges that people signal two possible paths for conflict . Is your team one that takes the path of making sure someone wins the conversation , or are you about exploring the landscape and learning together ? The teams interested in synergy would ideally strive for the latter of the two options . Most important for you to understand as the leader is that it is at these moments you either encourage or discourage deeper or more real connections among your team . The deeper the connection , the more group effort , fight , perseverance and grit you can expect . The stronger the connections and trust you build , the more you can push your players in their growth journey .
In addition to trust , a high level of emotional intelligence is important for building deep connections among people at varying levels within the hierarchy .
While the team members certainly can be expected to exhibit bravery in the form of direct , honest disclosure , the responsibility to make that a foundational part of the culture lies with the leader . It is not uncommon in toxic or underperforming cultures for there to exist a roadblock to the full truth between players and the head coach . That is more and more true with a generation of athletes who come to your team with less experience in having hard conversations . Often , parents are having many of those hard conversations on the athlete ’ s behalf . Teams are full of a generation of student-athletes who have had limited opportunities to practice the skills required for relationship building . It is important to note that student-athletes and coaches alike have been affected by the advent and quick evolution of social media . Our ability to communicate through a screen has limited the need to communicate face to face . That truth has only been exacerbated in the past few years as the COVID-19 pandemic hit the world .
Because of this reality and for so many other , very human reasons , the idea that you bear the bulk of the responsibility for connection is real . It must be taught and reinforced as a major element of your culture . You must respond to hard truths in ways that send the undeniable signal that the messenger did the right thing . I repeatedly see coaches implement amazing feedback systems only to inadvertently sabotage their own cultures by failing with this . People are already prone to choose the easiest , most comfortable path , especially as it relates to relationships . If you are leaving yourself unchecked in this category , you are setting yourself up to hear only positives , half-truths or problems that aren ’ t directly related to your own performance as the leader .
FAILING
In addition to hard conversations , failing is also an important part of feedback that many teams fail to cultivate . The association between failure and shame is a powerful one and is the force behind why so many teams struggle to capitalize on it . Inviting the idea that “ failing is growth ” into your team ’ s culture
46 | Soccer Journal