Windows Magazine SY 18-19 Windows Magazine SY 18-19 | Page 30

Teach verbal cues. Some kids have trouble
understanding different tones of voice. Your
preschooler may not realize that his little sister is
whining because she's unhappy and wants him
to stop teasing her. Help him tune into other
people's emotions by making a game out of it.
Repeat a phrase in several different tones of
voice and have him guess what you mean each
time. Say the words "Listen to me" as though
you were angry, happy, or had a secret to share,
for example, and see if he can detect the
difference in each version.
Teach nonverbal cues. At the playground or
park, find a quiet place where you and your
preschooler can sit and observe others without
being rude. Play a game of guessing what other
people are feeling, and explain the specific
reasons for your own guesses: "See that little
boy? I think he's happy, because he's jumping up
and down and laughing. What could be making
him so happy?”
Teach basic rules of politeness. Good
manners are a concrete way for your
preschooler to show caring and respect for
others. As soon as he can communicate verbally,
he can begin to say "please" and "thank you."
Explain that you're more inclined to help him
when he's polite to you, and that you don't like it
when he orders you around. Of course, being
polite to him is worth a thousand rules and
explanations. Say "please" and "thank you"
regularly to your preschooler and to others, and
he'll learn that these phrases are part of normal
communication, both at home and out in public.
Don't use anger to control your child. Though
it's easy to get upset when your preschooler
whacks his baby sister, try not to use anger as a
tool to manage her behavior. Teaching by
instruction and example is much more effective,
especially at this age. "When you say, 'I'm really
mad at you,' children shut down and withdraw,"
says Jerry L. Wyckoff, a psychologist and
coauthor of Twenty Teachable Virtues. "Instead,
show your child empathy.
Rather than getting angry, take a moment to
calm yourself down. Then say firmly, "I know you
were mad, but you shouldn't hit your sister. That
hurt her, and it made me sad. Please tell her
you're sorry.”
Give your preschooler small jobs. Research
suggests that children who learn responsibility
also learn altruism and caring. Preschoolers
usually love performing small tasks, and some
jobs, such as feeding pets, teach empathy
especially well, particularly when you pile on the
praise for a job well done. "Look how Rover's
wagging his tail! You're being so nice to him.
He's really happy you're giving him his dinner.”
Set an example. Acts of kindness and charity
are an excellent way to teach your child
empathy. Bring him along when you're taking a
meal to a sick neighbor or a friend with a new
baby. Let him help you pack the bag of clothes to
take to the local charity. You can explain very
simply that sometimes people are sick and can't
do things for themselves, and sometimes they
just need extra help.
Expect the same behavior from boys and
girls. Our society commonly considers men to
be less empathetic than women. So sometimes,
even without realizing it, we demand and praise
empathetic behavior less often in boys than in
girls. As Wyckoff says, "We set up this 'boy code'
that goes on and on throughout their lives – 'I
gotta be tough.' But if we're careful to teach
them, boys can learn empathy just like girls.”