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I laid in my bed, exhausted from my busy day
Of pretending to be there.
I felt the buzz of my phone and the ring in my ears
Today was a good day.
I saw my friends and we had a really good time.
Well, they had a good time
Doing whatever their hearts desired
And I had a good time
Watching them have a good time.
We sat at a table and they were eating.
Someone would make a joke
And we would all laugh,
Some more genuine than others.
You could look around the table and see a light.
And feel this warmth radiating from each individual
A warmth of pure happiness
The kind of happiness where you
Don’t have a single care in the world
And just for that moment,
Everything seems perfect.
I sat there and laughed too
I smiled when they smiled and did what they did.
But I didn’t feel the way they felt.
That was the difference between us:
I didn’t have that light in my eyes.
Derealization
Saadiya Patrick