Yes, The Railway
Children must be censored. As must Toy Story
by PAUL MACINNES
If we don’ t act now on children’ s films, a generation will grow up trying to fly like Buzz Lightyear and enslave Oompa-Loompas
Confession time: it was me who rang up the BBFC and told them to ban The Railway Children. Actually I didn’ t say“ ban”, I said“ shred all known prints and burn down the internet before this film destroys our children!” Despite leaving my number, the censors – hedonists who spend all their time watching porn and rubbing chilli into their eyeballs to heighten the experience – didn’ t get back to me. I assumed they were either observing an orgy or drowning in complaints similar to mine. It turns out not to be the case.
Yesterday, the BBC reported the following:
Forty-two years after it was released, classic family film The Railway Children has prompted its first complaint to the British Board of Film Classification.
“ The correspondent was concerned that children may be encouraged to play on railway tracks as a result of seeing the film,” the BBFC’ s annual report reveals.
The report, published on Thursday, said the BBFC judged that it was“ very unlikely” that The Railway Children would promote“ such dangerous activity”.
This official response comes as something of a surprise. I can only assume that no one at the BBFC has ever frolicked across rolling stock in petticoats. I have and nearly ended up spattered over the 14.37 to Todmorden.
I take some small satisfaction from the fact they were compelled to investigate my complaint, whatever the result. But in the intervening months it has become apparent that The Railway Children is far from the only cinematic death trap winking at children. There are many others, including:
Mary Poppins
The Railway Children
The woman flies around London with an umbrella. This is a massive incitement to children to try and fly around using an umbrella. Sounds great right? Wrong! A compact, telescopic umbrella would never offer enough resistance to the wind and any six-year-old, instead of
46 | WGSA MAG July 2013