Mindfulness and savoring 70 One of life’ s greatest tragedies is the death of a child. Often the reason that the death of a child is so devastating for families, and often results in a breakdown of the marital relationship, is that one or both parents realized that they had not been present in the relationship enough when the child was alive – especially where death was sudden. What very frequently brings the marital relationship undone is when one or both parents were not attending to the child at the time of death. To be occasionally absent from relationships with those we really care about, is human, but to not recognize the importance of this issue renders life meaningless. While there are times we have to think about the past to learn from it, or worry about the future to plan for it – we must choose these times. Too often we let our mind wander into these dark places without guidance, without realizing the life we are missing. When our mind is preoccupied with the past or the future we are not present in the moment where our life is happening. Hopefully you are starting to appreciate how huge an issue mindfulness is. How to live twice as long Students of Zen are often asked two pivotal questions:‘ Where are you?’ and‘ What time is it?’ The correct answers are:‘ Here’ and‘ Now’. It is all about choosing where our mind is at, what it is focused on. These two Zen questions have more power than first appearances suggest. A Zen story that illustrates full attention to the moment tells of the disciple of Zen Buddhism who spent a year high in the Himalaya meditating on the most profound principles of the philosophy. After this time during which he, amongst other things, sorted the dilemma of the sound of one hand clapping, he headed back to sit at his master’ s feet. Brimming with enthusiasm he rushed into his master’ s chamber keen to declare his deep insights. As he launched into his first discussion with an intelligent being after 12 months of solitude, his master quietly interrupted him.‘ Tell me, my son, as you entered the antechamber, what was the color of the umbrella beside the door?’ Knowing he had failed to