Self-discipline it is not 20 It is at this point that we come to see the difference between‘ selfdiscipline’, which is needed to change our inner world and‘ effort’, which is needed to rearrange our outer world. Effort is required when we set up our outer world, not when we are confronted with the problem or the food( which is when you need self-discipline). The effort is in‘ prehandling’ the problem. The power of‘ strategic structures’ Let me give you an example from my work as a relationship therapist of rearranging our outer world. Often, when couples come to see me, they have not spent time together alone for a long time, often for years. This may go back a decade or more to the birth of their first child. I explain that there are three things necessary to a good marriage after the birth of children and they are babysitters, babysitters and babysitters! Wanting to oblige their therapist they say,‘ We will go and organize a babysitter for a night next week’. Having been obliged once too often in this way over the years I now say,‘ Don’ t waste your time organizing it as a one-time thing. The next week, you won’ t be able to find a babysitter at short notice, one of you will be tired, the other one will have worked late and it just won’ t happen’. While they get annoyed at my lack of faith in them, I know only too well that we’ re trying to break a bad habit of many years duration. So I explain,‘ It takes almost as much effort to find a babysitter who can come next Wednesday as it does to find one that can come every Wednesday indefinitely. If we are going to make a difference here we need to organize the people around us. This of course will also mean organizing your children so that they understand and accept this arrangement.’ For the record, for more than a decade now, which is for as long as our children can remember, we’ ve gone out on a‘ family night’ to a cheap local restaurant. For an even longer time, my wife and I have gone out on a‘ date’ every Thursday night after we both work late. Because I know, months in advance, that I’ m not available on Wednesday and