Self-discipline it is not 13 By asking questions like these, we begin to discover what is important to our particular personalities. Specifically, we can begin to explore and understand our particular reasons for over-eating. For many, the reason may be as simple as having a mini-party to escape the stress of their lives. For others, over-eating may have a very specific reason. Whatever the reason, we need to see self-discipline in a different light. Instead of seeing it as something to aspire to, we need to see it as a sign that we are doing things for the wrong reasons. If a long-term goal requires a lot of self-discipline, there is something very wrong. The goal of being fat – Suzie’ s story I remember one woman, let’ s call her Suzie, who had a very particular reason to be fat. She came into therapy because of her longstanding depression. Slowly, over some months, her tragic story unfolded. As a child, she had been sexually abused by her father. She married at 18 to escape him because she was pregnant – a child she was to lose, but only after she married a man who would treat her like her father had. One night, while walking the streets to escape a beating from her husband, she befriended a stranger who then raped her. It was no great surprise when one day in therapy she said,‘ I know now that I use my fat as a suit of armor.’ And powerful armor it was, too. On the physical level it gave her a sense of security as she felt bigger and more able to defend herself. On the psychological level she felt safer because she knew that being fat made her less attractive to men. This particular reason that Suzie had for over-eating was not obvious to her when she entered therapy. It was quite unconscious. But during therapy, as she explored the‘ whys’ of her eating, she made the unconscious conscious, and that empowered her to begin to manage her