Obesity-proofing our children 187 to rely on and it may take months to turn things around. It is all about building such a strong relationship that your children naturally want to please and obey you, at least most of the time! The problem for many parents is that they never received Special Time as children themselves. Using the old,‘ well I turned out okay’ argument they don’ t understand the value of Special Time. But underneath this argument is nearly always an anxiety about‘ doing it right’. Trust me on this: if you are doing something your child wants to do with you, even if you are doing it badly, you are doing it right! I remember working with one father, a company CEO, who did most things very well, but he was scared to death of playing with his 8- yearold son for fear he would get it wrong. As the son of an alcoholic father himself he had no map, no idea of how to play with a boy. His worst fears were realized one day as he was playing a fantasy game with his son using Lego and other toys.‘ You’ re not playing right!’ his son exclaimed indignantly. Dad simply responded with,‘ Well show me how to then.’ When I heard about this later I was silently relieved because at this point many parents can retreat in a huff and give up trying. His son simply responded,‘ You do it this way silly. The aeroplane with the bad man has to fly in from over here …’ When Dad next came to see me he told me how he and his son had been getting on much better and how his son had been much better behaved generally. He then spoke about being told he was‘ not playing right’ and said,‘ It was only then I realized that“ how well I played” did not matter at all. What Josh obviously valued above everything else was the one-on-one time.’