Obesity-proofing our children 184 negative attention. Sometimes they hunt in packs – two or more siblings will get into conflict to bring a parent running.‘ Attention seeking’ is not abnormal. It is not‘ bad behavior’. It is a sign that the child feels, rightly or wrongly, that their needs are not being met. It may represent feeling insecure. We cannot always meet every need of our child just when they want it met – nor should we, as this is how they learn patience. But when a child is‘ attention seeking’ it is the responsibility of the parent to carefully assess the situation, understand why their child might be feeling insecure and decide whether or not to offer support and to what degree. As a general rule it is best to respond in some positive way( unless they are rudely interrupting when they could wait till the appropriate time) – the question is to what degree to respond. At one end of the spectrum you might just offer a few words of encouragement, at the other, you might step in and help them with what they are doing. Often the‘ attention-seeking child’ is simply the spokesperson for other children in a family. Taking time to assess a child’ s demand for attention and responding with the appropriate amount of attention is the first responsibility of parenting. We should not have them if we are not prepared to accept this responsibility. Moreover, we want our children to feel valued. As we have seen, the more you unconsciously value yourself, the more you will feel entitled to have in your life and the more your unconscious will allow you to have. Yes, these principles apply to everything from good health, through having a partner who brings out the best in you, to how much money you will have. This is the more technical description of what is commonly known as‘ self-esteem’. Our self-esteem, or, in psychotherapeutic terms,‘ sense of self-worth’, is something that is calculated by our unconscious throughout our formative years. What contributes to this calculation? Many factors that are way beyond the scope of this book to discuss here. But I will discuss the most powerful factor. I talk about this at every