Obesity-proofing our children 172 Food as a language of love Another danger is having certain foods only on special occasions such as parties. What happens when a child, raised under that system, becomes old enough to buy their own food, and they are feeling down and wanting to have fun or feel better? Again the message is very clear: I can have fun by having my own little party and eating some potato crisps and chocolate ice cream. This is a very common story amongst my clients. I am often told the story of how they began to put on weight when they left home and could afford to buy whatever they liked with no parent there to put limits on them. For many of them it would almost seem that they defined becoming an adult as basically meaning they were able to eat what they wanted! It is very dangerous to further accentuate society’ s link between feeling down or stressed and‘ treating’ this distress with food. When our children are feeling sad or distressed for some reason we must not respond to this with food. Do you do this with your children? It is easy to do. Hugs and kisses, sitting and talking or some special time together( which I will come back to) are much more appropriate. But as you look over these alternative responses you will notice that it is much easier and more time efficient, to stick a bowl of ice-cream in front of them. One of my hospital group members, Lynne, a mother of three, cried softly as she shared with the group how much love her mother invested in baking for her children. Growing up she remembered the smells being generated in the kitchen as her mother baked their favorite foods. When it came to the moment of tasting the freshly baked foods Mother was all smiles and the children were appreciative as they savored the still warm delicacies. There was love all round, there was love in the food. Her greatest pain, and the cause of her tears, was that this had become the way she too expressed her love for her own children. But her children were growing up in a world of anorexic supermodels, aerobics classes