167 Chapter 15 – Obesity-proofing our children: a battle of love In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn ' t danced on television. Erma Bombeck I talk and talk and talk, and I haven ' t taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week. Mario Cuomo Loving a child doesn ' t mean giving in to all his whims; to love him is to bring out the best in him, to teach him to love what is difficult. Nadia Boulanger( French conductor and teacher) Our earth is degenerate in these latter days; bribery and corruption are common; children no longer obey their parents; and the end of the world is evidently approaching. Assyrian clay tablet 2800 BC In Chapter 12 I introduced the definition of love that I rely on in my work as a relationship therapist: True love is a commitment to nurturing personal growth in both ourselves and others. As I explained, true love is an action, not a feeling, because nurturing personal growth involves the discomfort of effort and, especially with children, entering into conflict. Nearly always this conflict is about denying immediate gratification for a long-term benefit. This is why a lot of the time the feelings around‘ loving’ are those of frustration and annoyance. People who think that true love is a feeling find relationships, and often life generally, confusing and disappointing.