WeekendinFEATURE
WeekendinFEATURE
Someone to Love
Whether they are your parents, grandparents, spouse, children or pets, Immanuel Kant suggests we need someone
to love at any one point in time. Not only does this keep us in touch with our human side, but these relationships
remind us of the non-material factors that make life worth living. But developing and maintaining good relationships are no easy feat. Often, we get distracted by personal goals and problems, resulting in us neglecting those
around us. Communication is key to any relationship, but it is a skill that takes time and practice to develop. Establishing good relationships with those whom we are not as close to, such as our neighbours, colleagues or even
the cashier at the grocery store, is just as important because it determines the type of person we are and choose
to become.
Apologise
When we are in the wrong, it goes without saying that we must apologise
for our wrongdoings. Most of us apologise when our actions or words
are called into question, but very few of us do so before anyone else notices the error. Responsibility is a key building block of a great relationship,
so showing that you are willing to highlight and explain your mistakes
shows that you are able to learn from your wrongdoings and move on.
This paints you as an individual who can be trusted and depended on.
Take the hit once in a while: Accept undeserved criticism
Whether it is a client who takes it out on us for someone else’s doings,
or receiving flak for someone else’s miscommunication, we’ve all been
blamed for something that was not our fault. While the immediate response might be on the defensive side, the ability to take the hit shows
that you are able to accept and handle the criticism. Often times, better
than the person who is actually at fault. While this is not to say that one
should always allow themselves to become a scapegoat, moments of selfless acts such as taking the undeserved hit sometimes helps to cement
relationships.
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Be aware of your surroundings: Step in without being asked
Whether it is a colleague struggling with a task, or perhaps your spouse
who is staying up late into the night to finish a report, stepping in to help
someone builds a better relationship because it shows that you care. Pay
close attention to what they may be struggling with and offer to help, but
not just in a general is-there-something-I-can-help-you-with way. Instead,
come up with specific ways that you can help so that they can push past
the reflexive No, I’m okay objections. They will be grateful for your help and
will also be drawn to the fact that you care enough to notice them.
Answer the question that is not asked
An employee might ask about his performance or perhaps your child
might ask about a situation their “friend” is facing. Often, the questions
people ask us are not at all what they seem to be. Instead they are surface
level questions that hide their true worries and concerns. Your employee
may actually be unsure about his position or ability in the field, and your
child may be feeling too embarrassed to admit that he or she is facing
a problem. People who build great relationships go beyond the surface
question, and instead tackle the larger question at hand. If you are careful
enough with how you frame your words, you can give them the answer
they are seeking while encouraging them.
Know when to assume what role
Charismatic and extroverted people often seem to be loved by all due to
their loud personalities and seeming ability to sweet talk just about anybody. However, one must always know when to assume the appropriate
role and demeanour - when to be fun, and when to be serious. If someone
at home is talking in a grave tone, or perhaps a stressful situation at work
pops up, cracking jokes to lighten the situation can sometimes cause the
other to think that you are not taking it seriously. Similarly, a colleague who
is angry at his or her boss sometimes wants you to be a sounding board
rather than an advice giver. Learn to identify the situation so that you can
act in a manner that the person would appreciate the most.
selves at times), smart people strip away the framing that comes with the
source and instead focus on the merits of the information. Treat everyone
with respect and show that you are listening and valuing their message
and advice, even if you ultimately choose to go down a different course
of action. Actions like this remind us to stay humble and to respect every
individual.
Let go of the need to be right
In that same vein, let go of the need to be right. It feels good to be right
but nobody likes to be told what to do, especially if they had not asked
for explicit advice. Even when you think you’re right, understand that everyone has different circumstances and opinions. This means that what
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