of both. Whatever the case, this can be one of the most difficult aspects of planning to navigate. At some point, the question becomes“ Whose wedding is this?” In the past, weddings were a purely social contract, and wedding celebrations were a way to display the wealth and affluence of the bride’ s family. Today, weddings have shifted to focus on the love and commitment of the couple( as they should in the humble opinion of this wedding planner). In examining this sensitive topic, I will give you some field-tested advice on how to make an unforgettable celebration for your child while balancing your investment in the festivities.
• First and foremost, this day is not about you. This wedding is about your child making a commitment to their beloved. I know you enjoyed caviar shooters and a white tie dress code at your college roommate’ s daughter’ s wedding on Nantucket, but that is not your kiddo’ s vibe— and outside of your budget.
• If you are funding most, if not all, of the wedding, you are within your right to advocate for certain elements, i. e., a full open bar, an upgraded bus, an extra horn section in the band— as long as they don’ t take away from the items that are most important to the couple.
• You might have been married at the local church and held the reception in the parish hall, but things have changed.( Don’ t get me started on the hats you made your bridesmaids wear— you know the ones I am talking about.) Today’ s weddings have come back around to being full-scale, sometimes weekend-long events. Please go with the flow and support however you can. It’ s okay if you can’ t finance every Pinterest dream of your precious Petunia, but don’ t make them feel badly for wanting to do things differently than you did.
• Be clear with what you can and can’ t pay for. Set a defined budget and, if needed, what the boundaries of that budget are, i. e., what specific elements you are willing to pay for and which ones you aren’ t.
• Keep your guest list in check. You don’ t need to invite every friend you’ ve ever known simply because you were invited to their child’ s wedding.( That includes Muffy and Chad, whom you haven’ t seen in over five years.) This is especially true if it means your child and their fiancé can’ t invite their special people because of it, or if it prevents them from being able to use a certain venue due to guest count. The best way to keep budget on track is to keep the guest list reasonable.
• Don’ t start a war with your child’ s fiancé’ s family. You may be able to pay for more of the wedding than that family, and it needs to be OK. Never make them feel bad about it. Support your child’ s marriage by forging a strong relationship with your in-laws now. If you are lucky, you will be grandparents together someday, too!
• Assist your child with any tasks that might be overwhelming. Are family members asking 1,000 questions about hotel
twmccleőand. com 597 Main SŔeet, Great Barringřn MA
Historic Stock ridge, MA • NRM. org / weddings
Every love story deserves a Rockwell moment.
An artful backdrop for Welcome Dinners, Ceremonies, & Receptions
Photo y Ariana Wagner
Holiday 2025 2023 BERKSHIRE MAGAZINE // 61