empathy , or any other emotional need from the other person .
These emotional calls can come in all shapes and sizes .
It can be as bold as , “ Do you think I am pretty ?” or “ Do you love me ?”, or it can be a subtle as a sad sigh or angry huff . Regardless of how the call comes the goal of the call is always the same . Your spouse is asking for a connection .
There is a need they have and they are asking you to fulfill the need .
The need could be for attention , maybe they just want to have a conversation with you so they ask how your day went . Maybe it is a bigger need . Perhaps they are having a day where they feel they do not add up in some way and they are looking for affirmation , these calls could come in the way of , “ This happened today , do you think I handled it correctly ?”.
The needs vary but one things stays the same , they are looking to you to help .
Can You Hear Me Now
Research done by world-renowned marriage counselor John Gottman has shown that healthy couples answer the emotional calls of their spouses positively 86 % of the time , while unhealthy couples , who eventually get divorced , respond positively only 33 % of the time .
This research shows us we can have a healthy and happy marriage if we can just learn to hear these emotional calls and positively answer them . The good news is we send out dozens of calls to our spouses a day , which adds us to thousands a year . So this gives us plenty of opportunities to answer , right ? The trick is to answer the calls positively .
These Calls are Important
You cannot answer these calls negatively or harshly and expect a healthy , happy marriage . The major thing we have to remember is these calls are important and are desiring of our answer . At the root of all these calls is the longing of one person to know that the other person will be there for them regardless of the situation .
We all fear rejection and we just want to know that our spouses are the ones we can depend on . When we answer the calls in a positive way we are affirming to our husband or wife that we care for them and will be there for and with them .
We can use these small answers every day to recommit to our spouses in huge ways .
86 % Connection
We know what the magic number is and we know that we need to respond positively , so what is our next step ?
Answering the call and establishing the connection .
So how do we do this ?
• When your spouse asks you a question- - Give them your full attention - Answer the question with as much detail as possible - Carry on the conversation by asking questions as well - Be kind- remember they just want your time and connection
• Look at their body language for possible calls - Be bold and ask them if something is wrong if you notice something is off about them ( being the first to reach out shows you see them and care about them )
- Show genuine concern , even if it is small if it matters to them it matters
- Give them a hug or a kiss ,
anything to show them you are physically there for them
In Conclusion
Emotional calls will come in all shapes and sizes . Some will only take a moment to answer and connect , some will take much longer . The goal is to keep answering the calls . Be the one your spouse can go to , knowing you will always be there for them . Be a safe place , a strong place , a fun place . Make it a goal every day to be their place of connection .
Adventure Awaits ! Let ’ s Go !
For more ways to connect with your spouse click here to check out our book “ A Beautiful Adventure Marriage : A Guide for the Marriage God Created for You .”
Have you and your spouse read through our reading plan on the You Version Bible app yet ? If not click here to get started today . ❤
VOLUME II • ISSUE 2 Wedding belles | 31