Washington Business Summer 2019 | Washington Business | Page 19

washington business
NOT the news
(Headlines from satirical
“news” sites)
Last Chance to Say
Goodbye: WSDOT Holds
Final Viaduct Car Jump
This Weekend
— The Needling, May 31
Media Urged Not To
Release Names Of Any
More Presidential
Candidates In Effort To
Prevent Copycats
— The Onion, June 6
Google Maps to Now
Reroute Seattle Drivers
Through Spokane
— The Needling, April 14
Local Man Exits 12-Year
Coma, Asks How Sonics
Are Doing
— The Needling, March 26
meaningful moments from 2019 commencement speeches
“We’re going to put a little fuel in your bus.”
— Robert F. Smith, founder, chairman and CEO of Vista Equity Partners, telling graduates at
Morehouse College that his family would pay off the entire class of 2019’s student loans. The
pledge drew looks of shock and cheers of glee from the crowd.
“Don’t waste time on problems that have been solved.
Don’t get hung up on what other people say is practical.
Instead, steer your ship into the choppy seas. Look for
the rough spots, the problems that seem too big, the
complexities that other people are content to work
around. It’s in those places that you will find your
purpose. It’s there that you can make your greatest
contribution.”
— Apple CEO Tim Cook, speaking at Tulane University
summer 2019
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