Wanderlust: Expat Life & Style in Thailand August / September 2015 - Art & Education Issue | Page 38

Health & Wellness I t wasn’t until I met yoga instructor Poncho Cottier at an Acroyoga Workshop that I knew the meaning of the phrase “seek and you shall find.” I had long been intrigued by yoga, but my curiosity towards the practice never stuck—partly because I never clicked with any of my yoga teachers. I wanted a mentor but felt unreachable and frustrated. I looked for a mentor at home, at school, at work, and in countless yoga classes. When at last I had the fortune of meeting Poncho, everything changed. Poncho’s vulnerable authenticity stirred philosophical questions inside me: ancient questions to do with life’s purpose and true potential. I immediately signed up for his yoga retreat in Om Waters, Chiang Mai in December of 2013. I met his teaching partner, Laurence Gilliot. Both Lau and Poncho sparked my desire to learn more about yoga practice. The seed was planted, but life happened and the practice of yoga slipped through my fingers. I lost myself, my vision, my prayer life. I stopped doing yoga completely and watched myself deteriorate into depression and melancholy. I was reckless with my body, my heart, and my soul. I found myself walking one step forward and two steps back, defeated in regression. At first, I blamed my situation and didn’t claim personal accountability for my behavior. I was too arrogant to admit it, too self-obsessed to take any responsibility, and the worst part was—I stopped writing poetry. Finally, I decided enough was enough of my own bullshit. I quit my job in hope of having time for myself to develop a routine. Just as I was about to make a radical change, I was faced with a heartache that wrecked me completely. My boyfriend announced he didn’t want to be with me anymore. The abandonment was like a big bomb exploding in my heart, and the anchor I felt I had in my partner disappeared in a flash. I questioned everything and nothing made sense anymore. How could someone you love and who loves you just leave you? It didn’t make sense that revealing all your beauty and your ugliness—with total vulnerability—would lead to being 38 WANDERLUST left alone so heartlessly, so carelessly. I was shattered like I have never experienced before. Fears crept in. Thus began the letting go. First, I had to let go of the disbelief that the people you love and the people that love you will never leave you, because anyone can leave you at any time. And next I decided I had to let Bangkok go. I didn’t have a job, boyfriend, or family responsibility. The only thing that held me to the city was my commitment to Bangkok Lyrical Lunacy, a spoken word open mic. But, with the blessing of Pablo Saba—my partner in crime—BKKLL didn’t hold me back anymore either. I fled to Chiang Mai for a change of scenery and ran into Poncho and Laurence, who invited me to join a yoga teacher training with Emma Warmington, the founder of Jivani Yoga. Though I battled doubts and fear, the call to leave Bangkok grew more present each day. I took courage and followed this calling. I enrolled for Jivani Yoga, a yoga teacher training that affords awakening, healing, and transformation. Jivani means “becomes the life.” Jivani welcomes you to come as you are—you are beloved—and teaches that you are not only meant to be alive but also WWW.WANDERLUSTMAG.COM