Wanderlust: Expat Life & Style in Thailand August / September 2015 - Art & Education Issue | Page 38
Health & Wellness
I
t wasn’t until I met yoga instructor Poncho Cottier at an
Acroyoga Workshop that I knew
the meaning of the phrase “seek
and you shall find.”
I had long been intrigued by
yoga, but my curiosity towards
the practice never stuck—partly
because I never clicked with any
of my yoga teachers. I wanted a
mentor but felt unreachable and
frustrated. I looked for a mentor
at home, at school, at work, and
in countless yoga classes. When at
last I had the fortune of meeting
Poncho, everything changed.
Poncho’s vulnerable authenticity
stirred philosophical questions inside
me: ancient questions to do with
life’s purpose and true potential. I
immediately signed up for his yoga
retreat in Om Waters, Chiang Mai in
December of 2013. I met his teaching
partner, Laurence Gilliot. Both Lau
and Poncho sparked my desire to
learn more about yoga practice.
The seed was planted, but life
happened and the practice of yoga
slipped through my fingers. I lost
myself, my vision, my prayer life. I
stopped doing yoga completely
and watched myself deteriorate into
depression and melancholy. I was
reckless with my body, my heart, and
my soul. I found myself walking one
step forward and two steps back,
defeated in regression.
At first, I blamed my situation and
didn’t claim personal accountability
for my behavior. I was too arrogant
to admit it, too self-obsessed to take
any responsibility, and the worst
part was—I stopped writing poetry.
Finally, I decided enough was enough
of my own bullshit. I quit my job in
hope of having time for myself to
develop a routine.
Just as I was about to make a
radical change, I was faced with
a heartache that wrecked me
completely. My boyfriend announced
he didn’t want to be with me
anymore. The abandonment was like
a big bomb exploding in my heart,
and the anchor I felt I had in my
partner disappeared in a flash.
I questioned everything and
nothing made sense anymore. How
could someone you love and who
loves you just leave you? It didn’t
make sense that revealing all your
beauty and your ugliness—with total
vulnerability—would lead to being
38 WANDERLUST
left alone so heartlessly, so carelessly.
I was shattered like I have never
experienced before. Fears crept in.
Thus began the letting go. First,
I had to let go of the disbelief that
the people you love and the people
that love you will never leave you,
because anyone can leave you at
any time. And next I decided I had to
let Bangkok go. I didn’t have a job,
boyfriend, or family responsibility.
The only thing that held me to the
city was my commitment to Bangkok
Lyrical Lunacy, a spoken word open
mic. But, with the blessing of Pablo
Saba—my partner in crime—BKKLL
didn’t hold me back anymore either.
I fled to Chiang Mai for a change
of scenery and ran into Poncho and
Laurence, who invited me to join a
yoga teacher training with Emma
Warmington, the founder of Jivani
Yoga. Though I battled doubts
and fear, the call to leave Bangkok
grew more present each day. I took
courage and followed this calling.
I enrolled for Jivani Yoga,
a yoga teacher training that
affords awakening, healing, and
transformation. Jivani means
“becomes the life.” Jivani welcomes
you to come as you are—you are
beloved—and teaches that you are
not only meant to be alive but also
WWW.WANDERLUSTMAG.COM