Kids & Education allowing them to welcome new friends into the fold with ease and confidence . These children have a head start at becoming global citizens , too . Many go on to become leaders in their communities back home , or they may choose to continue their enriching , expat lifestyle into adulthood .
When it comes to the caveats , one of the most common complaints is the struggle to answer the simple question : Where do you come from ? There might be a sense of fitting in everywhere and yet nowhere at the same time , which can be frustrating and isolating for children .
Another challenge is that TCKs and their friends often move to new locations . Saying goodbye is hard . Maintaining long-distance friendships can be difficult , and building new relationships over and over is draining for even the most resilient . It is not uncommon for children to therefore feel lonely and sad when thrust into the expat friendship cycle yet again .
It ’ s also possible that TCKs may appear to lag behind their peers back home . This can be due to the continual changes in the cultural rules : The time and energy spent adapting to new norms takes TCKs back to the cultural drawing board . They might fall behind in their mother tongue , or they may pick up habits that seem out of place when taken from one country to another . A child who has spent several years in Thailand , for example , may take some time to “ unlearn ” eating with a spoon and fork after moving to a new country .
PLANTING ROOTS AT HOME
To thrive , TCKs need a strong family unit , something the Dalai Lama illustrated perfectly when he said , “ A tree with strong roots can withstand the most violent storm , but the tree can ’ t grow roots just as the storm appears on the horizon .”
A solid sense of family gives children a firm foundation so that they feel valued and secure . The parent-child relationship is particularly important and is one that should be nurtured , with regular family time protected .
It is vital to include children in discussions and decisions , ensuring that their voices are heard . Parents should never assume to know their children ’ s fears and worries ; to guess or make assumptions is to gamble with your children ’ s emotions . If things do get tough , give the time and space to feel sad . As much as you can , validate your children ’ s feelings and offer comfort and support as they tackle their own emotions .
Children living overseas should also be encouraged to build and maintain strong ties with extended family . Regular visits and frequent communication with grandparents , aunts and uncles offer children invaluable continuity during a times of change .
One of the most common complaints is the struggle to answer the simple question : Where do you come from ?
TAKING STEPS TO HELP : THE ROLE OF SCHOOL
The start of the academic year can be a particularly difficult for TCKs . Your child ’ s school plays a key role in the settling-in process , with the best schools helping to ease the effects of the TCK “ cycle .”
As you sort through your children ’ s schooling options , consider the following : Does the school foster a culture of kindness ? What is the language of inclusion ? Will new pupils have a buddy to guide them through the early days ? How will your child be welcomed ?
The pervading culture of a school will give you a good indication of the pastoral care and the compassion that you can expect . The school that is right for your family will understand what it is to be a third culture kid , and they will want your child to hit the ground running . Staff will
seek out your child ’ s own personal interests and talents — whether they be in music , sports , arts or anything in between — so that no time is wasted and individual passions can be pursued immediately .
LEAD BY EXAMPLE AND SHOW CONFIDENCE
As Charles Frame once said : “ Unpack your bags and plant your trees .” As a parent , you are in the best position to demonstrate this wise advice by leading by example . Follow the “ show don ’ t tell ” mantra : Make new friendships , try unfamiliar foods , take photos , explore Thailand with your children , and become involved in your new community . In seeing you embrace your new home , your kids will be better placed to do the same .
Remember , too , that one of the most wonderful benefits of living abroad is the chance to share and later remember the unique experiences that overseas postings often award us . Even if there are some bumps along the way , you might feel more confidence in your parenting by acknowledging that your children will likely look back on these special times fondly and consider them treasured memories .
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Vanessa Robitaille is a mother of two and Head of the Prep School at Brighton College in Bangkok . Having grown up in Kenya and studied at Oxford and Cambridge Universities , Vanessa has been teaching around the world for over 20 years .
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