Kids & Education
like sediment . ( Or , to the continue the Chex Mix metaphor : like peanuts .)
I wanted Isabel to sort further the pretzels and cereal squares of life , so I said , “ Isabel , what should a good person be like ?”
“ A good person should be kind and generous .”
I am glad she gave that answer . I felt , as a parent , I must be doing something right . Speaking with Isabel reminds me that health and kindness matter more than money and work . How often do we forget these truisms ?
I look to Isabel for clarity when the dust and debris of everyday adulting cloud my thinking . Isabel ’ s words are little-kid wizardry . Sometimes she reminds me that I ’ m a “ lovely ” mom or how the problem pestering me now won ’ t matter later . With a few short sentences , like a spell , she detangles the slip knots of my disillusioned adult brain .
But today , I asked her a philosophical question , and it didn ’ t yield the sort of response I ’ ve come to expect .
“ Isabel ,” I said , while toweling my hair dry , “ what kind of changes do you think we need in this world to make Earth a better place ?”
“ I wish ,” she said , “ that China wasn ’ t a country .”
I have never heard her make a statement so sweeping , so aggressive . I put down my towel and turned to look right into her blue-green eyes , instead of relying on her reflection in the mirror .
“ What makes you say that , sweetie ?” I asked .
“ The people in China are cutting down the trees in Burma . So when it ’ s cold in Burma , it ’ s very , very cold . When it ’ s hot , it gets very , very hot ! … And there ’ s a girl in my school , and she ’ s Chinese and she ’ s really mean . So I wish that China wasn ’ t a country . The people are bad .”
I paused . Isabel didn ’ t know it , but these were words of racism . Racism ? Coming from my intelligent , empathetic and global little girl ? The same one who says she ’ s “ from all over the world ”? Wasn ’ t she signed up not to have these thoughts because of the lifestyle we are living ? Wasn ’ t that the entire point ? Wouldn ’ t it be … pretty much automatic ?
I put on my parenting hat but felt unequipped in the moment . “ There are over a billion people in China ,
Isabel . We have to look at each person as an individual .”
I left the exchange there for the time being . I needed time to think .
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She is a child , so we might excuse Isabel ’ s remark about getting rid of China as being due to naiveté . But she isn ’ t that naïve , nor is she overly sheltered .
Isabel spent her first birthday on a houseboat in Kerala . Until age 4 , she spoke with a thick Indian accent . She ate with her fingers , using Indian rotis to scoop up her food . Her hand gestures , too , were Indian in flavor . She even identified as Indian , despite being the only blonde , blue-eyed girl in class .
In Thailand , where we live currently , she sings the national anthem in Thai and eats like a Thai person , using spoon and fork but no knife . And though she recognizes she is half American , half Danish , she wants to study Korean to be able to communicate better with her peers . She recommends weekend trips to Laos ; she goes to Danish class on Saturdays ; and whenever she needs a password for her iPad , she asks me for her ‘ passport .’
Without doubt , Isabel ’ s multicultural experiences have given her a worldview that is broader than that of many children — and many adults . Yet , all it took was a news snippet and one case of a mean girl at school for her to draw conclusions about an entire people .
Neither frequent travel nor an expat lifestyle can fully inoculate against the fallacies of logic that lead to racist comments and thought . Confirmation bias can lead to other erroneous , limiting and possibly dangerous lines of thinking beyond racism , too . Confirmation bias is what made Isabel decide Chinese people were bad . She slipped on an error of logic that happens all the time
The world has been shrinking , and many minds and hearts are shriveling along with it .
to humans , even the more careful among us .
As the world began to shrink , maybe we thought we would become more open-minded automatically through sheer force of exposure . But the recent elections of certain leaders and the adoption of certain policies designed to shut out people reflect something else : The world has been shrinking , and many minds and hearts are shriveling along with it .
Expat parents , I ’ ve learned that giving your child an international lifestyle at an international school will not produce a true global citizen without your guidance .
In this vein , I have a request : Please reach into the bottom of your Chex Mix bag of thoughts and dig around for what has settled on the bottom . That ’ s what you ’ re neglecting but probably need to attend — and the sooner the better . Found some peanuts ? Good . I hope some of them are critical thinking skills to buff and polish . As we wade into a time when xenophobic thought is on the rise , we must reassess how we think , how we form our opinions , and how our behavior and words affect our children ’ s thought processes .
Our kids are more than a reflection of the lives they ’ re living . They have their own inner worlds and brain mechanics , and we can ’ t ( and shouldn ’ t ) control all of the impressions and people who will influence them . This is why they must learn how to think independently and critically .
So , I leave you with this thought : Now and then , do an intellectual check-in with your kids . Think about what beliefs they ’ re forming right under your nose . After all , sometimes children showcase brilliance with their simple gems of wisdom ; other times , it ’ s precisely this simplicity that leads to perilous conclusions .
But first , as I am learning still , pay close attention to your own ways of thinking . As with so much in life , you need your own oxygen mask in place before helping others .
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