ADVICE FROM THE ORACLE
GET ADVICE FROM THE ORACLE HERSELF!
Need advice? Ask the ancient crone who sees the future: The Pythia, through whom Apollo himself speaks the
truth (…though, admittedly, sometimes it can be a little hard to decipher).
Oh Servant of the Delphian Apollo! How was swimming in the silvery eddies of the Castallian Spring?
Cold. I mean, I’m ritually cleansed enough to return to the temple obviously, but those Castallian Springs are
cold this time of year. I can’t wait for the Global Warming to kick in.
Oh Pythia! What is Global Warming?
According to the New Mexico Solar Energy Association, “Global Warming is the increase of Earth's average
surface temperature due to the effect of greenhouse gases trapping heat that would otherwise escape from
Earth’s atmosphere.”
I have no idea what you’re talking about, Oh Great High Priestess. So maybe we could change the sub-
ject…?
Whatever you say. But if you want a prediction, I’ll have to munch some of these poisonous oleander leaves
while you’re asking.
Ohhh…kaaay. Well, let me tell you why I’m here. I applied to like 10 colleges, and now I’m waiting to hear
back. In the meantime, I feel like my whole life is up in the air. I’m totally on edge, and I can’t seem to con-
centrate in class or get all my homework done because I’m checking email every ten minutes to see if I’ve
been accepted anywhere… Uh – are you okay?
Yeah, sure. Fine. I just get a little woozy. It might be the leaves, or maybe the methane and benzene gas leak-
ing up from this chasm… This place is an OSHA nightmare.
OSHA?
Yes – OSHA stands for occupational safety…
I’m sorry I asked. Anyway – about the colleges? What should I do? Got any predictions?
Hold on! I think I’m getting something… “Seat yourself now amidships, for you are the Pilot of Athens. Grasp
the helm fast in your hands; you have many allies in your city.”
Athens? Are you saying I’m going to get into OU?! Everybody tells me I
should go there and major in Engineering, but I think I want to be a
journalist…
I’m getting something else… “Make your own nature, not the advice of
others, your guide in life.”
So… you think I should major in Journalism?
Sorry. That’s not how this works. I say things that are vague and cryptic,
and you figure out what it means. Get it?
I guess.
Well, time’s up. Good luck at OU.
Vox Latina
2016-2017 Volume 1
Page 8