When a conflict arises between girls or a girl and a volunteer , get those involved to sit down together and talk calmly and in a nonjudgmental manner . ( Each party may need some time — a few days or a week — to calm down before being able to do this .) Although talking in this way can be uncomfortable and difficult , it does lay the groundwork for working well together in the future . Whatever you do , do not spread your complaint around to others — that won ’ t help the situation and causes only embarrassment and anger .
If a conflict persists , be sure you explain the matter to your volunteer support team . If the supervisor cannot resolve the issues satisfactorily ( or if the problem involves the supervisor ), the issue can be taken to the next level of supervision and , ultimately , contact your council if you need extra help .
Inspiring Open Communication
Girls want someone who will listen to what they think , feel , and want to do . They like having someone they can talk to about important things , including things that might not seem important to adults . Listen to the girls . Respond with words and actions . Speak your mind openly when you are happy or concerned about something , and encourage girls to do this , too . Leave the door open for girls to seek advice , share ideas and feelings , and propose plans or improvements . Help girls see how open communication can result in action , discovery , better understanding of self and others , and a more comfortable climate for fun and accomplishment .
Communicating Effectively with Girls of Any Age
When communicating with girls , consider the following tips :
● Listen : Listening to girls , as opposed to telling them what to think , feel , or do ( no “ you shoulds ”) is the first step in helping them take ownership of their program .
● Be honest : If you ’ re not comfortable with a topic or activity , say so . No one expects you to be an expert on every topic . Ask for alternatives or seek out volunteers with the required expertise . ( Owning up to mistakes — and apologizing for them — goes a long way with girls .)
● Be open to real issues : For girls , important topics are things like relationships , peer pressure , school , money , drugs , and other serious issues . ( You ’ ll also have plenty of time to discuss less weighty subjects .) When you don ’ t know , listen . Also seek help from your council if you need assistance or more information than you currently have .
● Show respect : Girls often say that their best experiences were the ones where adults treated them as equal partners . Being spoken to as a young adult helps them grow .
● Offer options : Providing flexibility in changing needs and interests shows that you respect the girls and their busy lives . But whatever option is chosen , girls at every grade level also want guidance and parameters .
● Stay current : Be aware of the TV shows girls watch , movies they like , books and magazines they read , and music they listen to — not to pretend you have the same interests , but to show you ’ re interested in their world .
One way to communicate with girls is through the LUTE method — listen , understand , tolerate , and empathize . Here is a breakdown of the acronym LUTE to remind you of how to respond when a girl is upset , angry , or confused .
● L = Listen : Hear her out , ask for details , and reflect back what you hear , such as , “ What happened next ?” or “ What did she say ?”
● U = Understand : Try to be understanding of her feelings , with comments such as , “ So what I hear you saying is . . .” “ I ’ m sure that upset you ,” “ I understand why you ’ re unhappy ,” and “ Your feelings are hurt ; mine would be , too .”
● T = Tolerate : You can tolerate the feelings that she just can ’ t handle right now on her own . It signifies that you can listen and accept how she is feeling about the situation . Say something like :