and later a masseuse . Out loud , I ask about a stairstep , any step , that they can climb up and down , over and over and over and over ; I ask about yoga DVR ’ d free from Channel 15 . I ask about finding just five minutes of peace between the two jobs they must work to support their kids . Then I shut up about exercise , because food has to go on the table first . It ’ s clear they stay exhausted , from dawn to dawn , and have more moral fiber than the average Bible . Nagging is not what they need . Miserably , I have no magic genie to help them .
D . SQUINCHY FEELINGS
Sometimes they are more pinchy , or squeezy , and they move around . They might cause an elbow to feel tight on the squishy part , or get ratchety at the knee . Fingers get all minchy and see there , how they crook up ? Sometimes a belly gripes up and gutters , yes gets down in the gutter , then it rolls . It rolls and grabs and honey , so swole up , and not even ginger ale fixes it . I think : no weight change , no pallor , no bleeding , could it have to do with nine Big Reds a day , maybe ? It turns out that cinnamon , honey and bourbon are curative , but only for the belly . For the squinching , one must rub in castor oil . I cannot help but wrinkle my nose at the castor oil , and the patient cackles , “ Only for the strong .”
E . CONGESTION
( I hear a chorus of heavy doctor sighs .) People will blow their noses 4000 times rather than submit to actual allergy medicine ; they will
DOCTORS ' LOUNGE cough , sneeze , wheeze , honk and snort . Their masks are falling off their noses , and inside our masks we shrink back and pray it is only allergies , because this is Kentucky . Internally , I transport myself to a clean room , all sterile UV lighted surfaces , and hover there . I suggest nasal saline and any number of effective medicines . The patient is unconvinced . We cannot command viruses to disappear , nor allergies , but there is a certain stripe who will insist we can . They are doomed either way and no amount of mental flogging will rescue them .
In Germany , there are special teas in the grocery store for them . For the cough , you should boil beer , add a shot of schnapps and drink it hot .
Not for you ? Try boiled onion and lemon juice instead . Some people add cabbage juice .
Yuck , you say ? Me too : the classic hot toddy can ’ t be beat . That ’ s Maker ’ s , juice of a whole lemon , and honey melted in piping hot water ( never tea , unless your mother taught you that way ). Bottoms up , and sleep fast . You have a lot to do tomorrow .
Dr . Barry is an internist and Associate Professor of Medicine ( Gratis Faculty ) at the University of Louisville School of Medicine , currently taking a six month sabbatical .
COVID-19 Graphic Resources
Visit glms . org / exposure-chart / to download for use . Please feel free to print and post in your practice , hand out to patients or use on your website / social media .
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