At the moment of writing this, I’m awaiting a friend’s arrival. She’s on a connecting flight between Tokyo and Bangkok. I’ve known her for the last four years and while we weren’t best friends, I’m anticipating her arrival with high levels of enthusiasm. Between us is common ground. Shared interests. Knowledge of who we are as individuals and who we are together.
Making new friends is easier at home. You’re in your element and most people speak your language. Its your comfort zone and because of that you often feel confident and at ease. You can be helpful and offer directions to lost faces or recommend a restaurant. Striking up a conversation in line at the grocery store could lead to a new relationship and because you feel rooted with no pressing “take-off time” it can be nurtured over a long course of weeks, or months or years.
When you’re abroad it’s quite often the opposite. You are the one that can’t read Mandarin and need advice on which detergent to buy. You have to be willing to charade out a series of clues to someone that may not understand your native tongue or play a quick round of Pictionary to find the exact spice needed to replicate your Mom’s best dish.
The thing is, you need someone to talk to, everyday or most days, and because of that you need a friend. Whether it’s a friend for convenience sake (because you share a desk at work) or you genuinely hold similar interests- it’s back to kindergarten and sharing sand in the play-pit. You do the simple introductions; names, programs studied in school, parents occupations, siblings, favourite movies. You offer to swap numbers and keep in touch. But, that simple five- minute interaction could be the only face-to-face interaction you’ve had all day… and they might not have even known it.
When you realize that “clicks” make “friends” life seems harder. Though your count is 967 on Facebook, taking the time to nurture sustainable relationships is hard. Does flipping through someone’s album make you closer? Because in retrospect, isn’t there something missing? Missing is the excitement of getting to know someone’s playlist. Missing, is the filling in the blanks about who your past partners were. Missing are the moments of shared discovery that maybe you have the same hometown, or old coworker.
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