God has officially announced that he has both unfollowed AND blocked humanity on Twitter.
‘I’m just so sick of the constant trolling, griping and complaining. I’m getting too old for this shit,’ God tweeted. Fortunately, as a professional journalist, I was able to circumnavigate being classed as human.
While God didn’t comment on what the final straw was that led to abandoning all of humanity on Twitter, it’s believed that peoples’ inability to get their shit together and get on with each other may have been the deciding factor.
Alternatively God did reveal His unhappiness with how he’d been written up in various holy books.
‘It’s all the same, only the names are changed,’ God tweeted, possibly confirming Himself to be a Bon Jovi fan. After bringing up the Bible, Quran, and other holy texts he went on to tweet that, despite the glaring similarities between such texts, people still focused on the trivial differences and chances to justify their own hatred.
His final tweet on the matter seemed to be a parting shot at the religion of Islam. ‘And my name is fucking Allan, not Allah!’