the pangs of anxiety come up .
What … what had happened to me ? When could I get back into my body ? Why didn ’ t I go to church with Momma when she told me to ? Maybe Jesus could provide a helping hand right about now . Did … did this mean I was dead ?
The nurse called for the doctor . He said that they ’ d called Momma , and she was still on her way . They were honest . The situation didn ’ t look good . I had severe damage to my lungs , my heart , my brain . Broken bones . Yes , Mrs . Morris , I ’ m afraid that ’ s so .
I wanted to be in my body . I wanted to be in my body , so that I could sob . So that my hands could shake and my breaths would shorten . I wanted to have a panic attack , just so I could feel something . Not be here , on this fucking ceiling , bodyless like the Big Face from Nick Junior . Except I didn ’ t feel bright . I didn ’ t want to make PB & J . I wanted to be alive . I wanted someone to hold me and say this was all a bad dream . That this was a bad nightmare , the kind that feels so real , I can touch and smell in it . The kind I get when I don ’ t ever want to get out of bed or even wake up .
I looked down at myself again . My skin had a greenish cast . My face was covered in nicks , broken glass filling my acne scars . They ’ d already put my hands in my lap , folded them neatly , so they could slide me right into the coffin . Momma rushed in , Sage right after her . Great . I ruined Sage ’ s fucking birthday .
When she saw my body , Momma fell straight to the ground . She collapsed on her knees and screamed loud enough to wake up the morgue . Momma , I ’ m right here . I ’ m here , please . But she couldn ’ t hear me . No one could , and it seemed like no one would ever again . Sage had her hands on Momma ’ s back , tears everywhere . Everyone else was probably in the lobby , questioning how a night of lobster dip and beer turned into blood and embalming fluid .
This wasn ’ t what I expected , what I had hoped for . There was no life flashing before my eyes . I saw the life being sucked from my body , my broken chest rattling off breaths one by one . I saw Momma tell them
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