TALKING TO YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT 9/11
Be specific. It can be easy to make generalizations when discussing 9/11. As with many tragedies, some have a tendency to talk in broad strokes; for example, comparing the suffering of one person to another or assigning blame to an entire group. The story of 9/11 is actually thousands of individual stories. Highlight those specific stories to help humanize the events, and avoid stereotypes and simplifications. Emotions vary. Children’s responses to the anniversary of 9/11 will vary widely depending on their age, personality, actual or perceived ethnic or religious background, connection to the attacks, and exposure to other past traumatic experiences. As the anniversary approaches, look for changes in mood, behavior, and daily habits, and remember that children who have experienced trauma, even if unrelated to 9/11, are at a higher risk of experiencing distress. Unhealthy behaviors, such as substance abuse, self-harm, and bullying, are unhealthy, no matter the circumstances, and warrant professional attention. Monitor the TV and internet. Around the anniversary of 9/11, it is likely that television programs and news shows will discuss the attacks and their aftermath in some depth. Programs may include footage from 9/11 itself, and include scenes that are not appropriate for children to view at all or without supervision. Similarly, children may use the internet to seek out answers to their questions. Be actively involved in the quality and amount of information they receive. Know yourself. You aren’t immune to the emotions sparked by 9/11. Acknowledge and attend to your own reactions and feelings, your memories and connections. 9/11 is not an easy topic to think about, let alone discuss with a child. Recognizing your feelings beforehand and then sharing them honestly with your children offers them a model in their own difficult conversations and will help engender a safe, trusting environment. Seek assistance if the anniversary of 9/11 evokes feelings in you that are overwhelming or difficult to manage. Emphasize hope. The attacks of 9/11 showed us the worst in people. But it was also a time when many wonderful, compassionate, and heroic deeds occurred. “Heroes” were everywhere on 9/11 and in the days afterwards. The shock and the sadness also brought people — families, friends, and strangers alike — together in a way that felt special. It is important to remind your children that we are also remembering those heroes and those times. Help your children recognize how their own compassion can prevent future acts of intolerance and violence by reminding them to express their ideas respectfully and to treat people who are different from themselves with kindness.
“Untitled” by Matthew Sussman. Gift of NYU Child Study Center.
Suggested resources National September 11 Memorial & Museum: www.911memorial.org National Association for School Psychologists: www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement: www.cincinnatichildrens.org/school-crisis New York Life Grief Guide: www.newyorklife.com/foundation (click “Bereavement Resources”)
NATIONAL SEPTEMBER 11 MEMORIAL & MUSEUM ONE LIBERTY PLAZA, 20TH FLOOR, NEW YORK, NY 10006 P: 212-312-8800 F: 212.227.7931 911MEMORIAL.ORG
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