Village Voice December 2012/January 2013 | Page 19

to offer practical advice on how to keep your home warm and to assist with reducing your energy bills. This winter, we are offering*: · Help with heating and hot water system repairs. · Urgent support with alternative heating measures (electric oil filled radiators) if you are without heating. · Small grant support to cope with winter fuel emergencies. · Carbon monoxide detectors – provided free with a home safety visit. · Tariff change advice to help you to save money on your fuel bills, and practical support and assistance with debt, money and benefits. · Access to free loft and cavity wall insulation, including for solid wall properties. · Free assessment for connection to mains gas supply. Our visiting Advisors offer practical and financial support, and can be with you when any works are being undertaken within your home. Mrs T from Farnborough contacted the project for support and said: “The Advisor was brilliant. She came to see me and we sorted out my hot water tank, it had been broken for 6 months. Thank you”. For free and in-depth advice, please contact the Environment Centre office on 0800 804 8601 or email: [email protected]. Hitting the Cold Spots services are available until 31 March 2013 – so call now! * Some of the above services and emergency relief are subject to availability and conditions apply. A DIFFERENT TAKE ON PHRENOLOGY or… Belle examines the bumps I was sitting at my desktop computer today, trying to concentrate on my current masterpiece, but I was constantly interrupted by thumps and bumps and exclamations from behind me, as my personal handyman was searching for something under his worktable. Then an angry voice said “Oh b****r! Why can’t I stop banging myself?” This is quite a regular cry in our house. PH has something of a reputation for accidents: I may have previously mentioned the time he decorated the kitchen with red wine when waving the dog away with the wrong hand, or for that matter, when he made it snow indoors at Christmas soon after artexing the living room ceiling. But his inclination towards self-harming of the unintentional kind is beginning to worry me. I think it started some years ago, when he was installing a new fireplace, and stood up, hitting his head on my antique grandmother clock, knocking it off the wall (it never worked again). I’m not talking about the things that are outside his control, like when he was twice attacked by seagulls in different parts of New Zealand. And don’t get me started on his personal contribution to the Chaos Theory: the Channel Tunnel fire a couple of years ago, or the San Francisco earthquake of 1989, both of which he apparently started just by being nearby. No, those are stories for another time. 17