Benjamin Lerner is a recovering addict , composer , writer , musician , and radio host . He has been sober and clean since June 13th , 2016 . In his weekly column , CLEAN , he shares his personal journey - and lessons he has learned from his life in recovery . Benjamin lives in East Arlington , Vermont .
My mind was spinning at the pace of a broken , runaway carousel as I walked through my kitchen in a state of utter disbelief . I was six years sober , and I had just discovered that one of my first online recovery videos had been viewed by millions of people . I ’ d only dipped my toes into the proverbial waters of social media content creation , but I was overwhelmed by simultaneous feelings of gratitude , excitement , and self-doubt .
As I scrolled through the comment section of my social media “ reel ,” I read hundreds of affirming messages of hope and sobriety from other people who were walking on their own paths of recovery . It brought me boundless joy to see that people from around the world were embracing messages of sobriety and hope . Sadly , that joy was very short lived . My euphoric elation was cut short when I came across a much more negative comment , which cut me to my core and made me doubt the impact of my online recovery advocacy work :
“ That ’ s great that you got sober , but why are you talking about it on the internet ? You should keep it to yourself and work with people oneon-one where you live . Nobody cares .”
“ This harsh voice of doubting dissent stood out in the comment section like a metaphoric thorn amongst a garden of beautiful , positive roses . Still , as a relative newcomer to the online recovery advocacy scene , my skin had not yet thickened to the point that I could encounter a comment like that without feeling immense pangs of heartfelt pain . I began alternating between swells of fury and childish frustration ,
MIND & BODY
typing out retaliatory comments before deleting them in a flurry of overwrought petulance . After scrapping the last of several half-typed , sloppy retorts , I slammed my phone down on the table .
“ I ’ ll never post a recovery video again ,” I whispered to myself . All it took was one bad comment to break my spirit . It seemed that the internet had defeated me and all was lost .
Suddenly , I heard my phone buzz one more time . When I hesitantly picked it up , I saw a message from someone who had recently started following my social media page :
“ I ’ m four weeks sober , I ’ m fresh out of treatment , and I don ’ t have any in-person recovery groups where I live . I saw your video when I wanted to relapse and throw my life away . I know it might not mean anything coming from a stranger , but you helped me stay sober today .”
I felt my eyes well up with tears as I remembered every similar moment in my own life , where the wise words of a sober stranger helped me similarly stay the course . From the day that I almost left treatment and decided to stay , to the day I wrote my first CLEAN Column , I had the privilege of hearing those encouraging words face-to-face . Unfortunately , not everyone was blessed with the same in-person network – and this message served as proof positive of the value of online advocacy . It was time to pay it forward . Others had been kind to me when I was at my most vulnerable . I had the chance to share my truth with everyone who didn ’ t have a strong , in-person sober network through my online posts .
After typing out a grateful reply , I knew that there was no turning back . I was going to keep sharing my message of sobriety – both in my local community and on the internet – and I was going to do it with gratitude , courage , and openness to all paths of recovery . I clicked off my phone , walked out towards my car , and drove towards a local recovery event with the following words echoing in my mind …
Always remember :
Keep moving forward . Run towards the truth . Don ’ t quit before the miracle happens .
Visit aa-intergroup . org / directory . php for a comprehensive list of online and phone-based AA meetings .
For local meetings visit tpcbennington . org or call 802-442-9700 .
November 25 , 2024 Vermont News Guide 43