When his parents divorced, he found himself having to perform
even more. “Their families are very different and their ideologies
are very different. So, I learned how to present myself, not in a fake
way, just in different ways to better suit different situations.”
To complicate matters further, Benjamin was diagnosed with
Asperger Syndrome.
“I have a hard time looking people in the eye. I obsess about
specific things. I like repetition. I like repeated tasks.
I find it hard sometimes to read other people’s emotions,
although I’ve gotten better at that. … Being on the autism
spectrum, I had a hard time dealing with my friends
at school – and then, at home, I had a split identity
going with my family. I didn’t really know who I was,
and I was not really mentally equipped to deal
with [it]. And so I came up with coping mechanisms
- even before addiction - to deal with the fact
that I didn’t really feel like I belonged anywhere.”
Adding just one more layer of complexity to his
reality, Benjamin is the great-grandson of
Irving Berlin, who composed such American
standards as “White Christmas” and
“God Bless America”.
“It certainly put a lot of pressure on me.
And I resented that pressure
sometimes, especially
in the
beginning,
when I
didn’t
want to
play piano.
Benjamin at Old Mill Road Recording / Photo by Bryce Boyer
40 VERMONT magazine