Six Simple Steps to Improved Writing
to be familiar with explicit connectives and
pointing words than with echo links, I emphasize the latter so that you will remember to use them when editing your work.
Alternatively, the above language might
appear in the middle of a paragraph, with
its short sentence followed by further discussion, as illustrated below.
Step Five: Vary Sentence Lengths to
Inject Rhythm into Your Writing
Besides linking sentences together
to achieve clarity, link them together to
achieve a pleasant rhythm. A good way
to insert rhythm in your writing is to vary
sentence lengths, although shorter is better than longer, and you should try to limit your sentences to twenty-five words or
less. Consider, for example, the first three
sentences in then-Judge Benjamin Cardozo’s recounting of the facts in Palsgraf
v. Long Island Railroad Co., which you undoubtedly read in law school.10
Instead, Slugg did little or no work for
several months because he was despondent about a back injury and the
demise of a romantic relationship. Regrettably, his inactivity and failure to
communicate with clients prompted
several disciplinary complaints against
him.
Plaintiff was standing on a platform
of defendant’s railroad after buying
a ticket to go to Rockaway Beach. A
train stopped at the station, bound for
another place. Two men ran forward to
catch it.11
As the varying lengths of the above sentences illustrate, the facts section of Judge
Cardozo’s Palsgraf opinion intersperses
shorter and longer sentences; indeed, the
sentences in the full fact statement range
in length from six to twenty-seven words.
The short sentences are more dramatic and
convey a greater emphasis, whereas the
longer sentences are calmer, providing the
reader with context and important factual
information. Therefore, a short sentence
works best as the first or the last in a paragraph, or in mid-paragraph between two
longer sentences. For example, in a legal
malpractice action, a fact statement written
by the plaintiff’s attorney might include a
paragraph that ends as follows:
Attorney Slugg told Mr. Jones that he
would investigate the case and get
back in touch with Jones soon. But he
never did.
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Either way, the short sentence gets the
reader’s attention by lending the passage
a drama (and rhythm) it would otherwise
lack.
Step Six: Choose Your Words Wisely and
Do Not Make Nouns into Verbs
Thus far, this article has examined improved writing from the sentence and paragraph level; it will now do so from the level
of the individual word. Persuasiveness lies
not only in using fewer words, but also in
selecting the correct word for the idea you
wish to convey. Often, lawyers will use a
word that they think means what they wish
to say, but it actually means something different. Among the words most likely to be
misused in this way are the following:
Because and Since: If you are referring
to causation (i.e., cause and effect), use
“because.” Example: “Because I now exercise five days a week, I sleep better and
have lost weight.” But if you are referring
to the passage of time, use “since.” Example: “Since I started exercising regularly six months ago, I have lost twenty-five
pounds.”12 In legal writing, you will discuss
causation more frequently than the mere
passage of time, so expect to use “because” more often than “since.”
While and Although: Lawyers are prone
to use “while” when “although” is the correct word. When discussing a relationship
(usually a contrast) between two ideas, use
“although.” Example: Although Mary was
generally quiet and unassuming away from
THE VERMONT BAR JOURNAL • SUMMER 2015
work, as a lawyer she was an aggressive advocate for her clients. But use “while” when
discussing two events happening simultaneously. Example: “While George slept,
his wife, Susan, ran three miles, showered,
and cooked breakfast.”13
Lay and Lie: Lawyers frequently use
“lay” when the correct word is “lie.” Lay
has a limited meaning: to set down. It
must take a direct object because one has
to set something down. Example: “John,
please lay the book on the coffee table.”
Lie means to recline or remain. Example:
“Nancy decided to lie down for a nap before supper.”
Fewer and Less: Legal documents
sometimes use “less” when they should
use “fewer.” When you are discussing
something that can be counted or measured, “fewer” is appropriate. Example:
“Many elementary schools in Vermont
have fewer students than they had twenty
years ago.” But use “less” when referring
to an amount that cannot be counted or
measured. Example: “I can comb my hair
quickly because I have less hair now than
in the past.”14
Where, When, and If: Too many documents lawyers write use “where” when
the correct word is “when” or “if.” Use
“where” only to indicate a physical location. Example: “The boss did not know
where the employee went for lunch.” But
if you wish to show that one event is conditioned on another, use “when” or “if.” Example: “When (If) school is in session, Mr.
Jones, the science teacher, spends several evenings a week preparing for the next
day’s classes.”
Farther and Further: We lawyers tend
to use “further” when “farther” would be
correct. When referring to a geographical
distance, use “farther.” Example: “Steve
threw the discus farther than anyone else
in Saturday’s track meet.” But use “further”
when referring to the depth of an analysis.
Example: “The further Anne dug into her
research, the more she was persuaded that
her preliminary hypothesis was correct.”15
That, Which, and Who: Lawyers are often guilty of using “which” when the proper word is “that” and “that” when the
proper word is “who.” The first rule to remember regarding these words is that both
“that” and “which” apply to things, whereas “who” applies to people. Example:
“Karen Anderson is the lawyer who represents t H[