by Brian Porto, Esq.
Six Simple Steps to Improved Writing
Introduction
Half a century ago, poet (and lawyer) Archibald MacLeish observed:
Lawyers would be better off if they
stopped thinking of the language of
the law as a different language and realized that the art of writing for legal
purposes is in no way distinguishable
from the art of writing for any other
purpose.1
Undoubtedly, MacLeish had encountered
legal writing like the contract language below, which is so bloated and antiquated
that it makes a fairly simple concept—waiver—opaque and confusing.
It is agreed that no waiver by either
party hereto of any breach or default
of any of the covenants or agreements
herein set forth shall be deemed a
waiver as to any subsequent and/or
similar breach or default.2
This language demolishes the twin pillars
of good nonfiction (including legal) writing—brevity and clarity—with the heavy
hammer of unnecessary words (it is agreed
that, shall be deemed, hereto, herein set
forth). Fewer and simpler words would enable the reader to understand the passage
more easily. A preferable alternative would
read as follows:
If either party fails to require the other to perform any term of this agreement, that failure does not prevent the
party from later enforcing that term. If
either party waives the other’s breach
of a term, that waiver is not treated as
waiving a later breach of the term.3
The second passage achieves both brevity and clarity by following the simple steps
to be discussed here. It omits wordy, vacuous expressions, such as “it is agreet
that” and “herein set forth,” which add
words, but no meaning, to a sentence, replacing them with more accessible conditional phrases: “if either party fails to require” and “if either part waives the other’s
breach...” It also omits the stilted, unnecesarry word “hereto” and, in the second
sentence, replaces “subsequent” with “later.” The happy result is a revised passage
that is comparable in length to its predecessor, yet much clearer.
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My favorite depiction, though, of the
symbiotic relationship between brevity and
clarity in writing is that of Theodor Geisel
(“Dr. Seuss”), who wrote ostensibly for children, but had valuable advice for adults,
too. He observed:
The following examples, then, are correct:
The writer who breeds/more words
than he needs/
is making a chore for the reader who
reads./
That’s why my belief is/the briefer the
brief is, /
the greater the sigh/of the reader’s relief is.4
In each example above, “it” refers to something specific: the motion.
In the spirit of Dr. Seuss’s admonition to
writers, this article will identify several simple steps you can take to make your prose
clearer and more concise, hence more persuasive. Like regularly using stairs instead
of an elevator and substituting fruit salad
for chocolate mousse, taking the recommended writing steps will yield you big returns for a relatively modest effort.
Discussion
Step One: Avoid Beginning Sentences
with “It is,” “There is,” and “There are”
My Vermont Law School colleague, Greg
Johnson, offered the same tip in this space
less than a year ago.5 Still, this tip bears repeating. Repetition is warranted because
one of the surest ways to purge your sentences of surplus words is to refrain from
starting them with “it” or “there” followed
by a form of the verb “to be.” You will not
lose anything of value, just excess words,
because when “it is” and “there are” begin
sentences, they do not refer to anything
specific. Put another way, they add words,
but not meaning, resulting in bulky, often
confusing sentences.
Therefore, do not write: “There
was evidence indicating that Jones visited
the victim’s house on the night of the murder.” Instead, write: “The evidence indicated that Jones visited the victim’s house on
the night of the murder.” Similarly, do not
write: “It is evident that the light was red
when the Defendant drove through it.” Instead, write: ”Evidently, the light was red
when the Defendant drove through it.”
Better still, write: “The light was red when
the Defendant drove through it.”
But you may begin a sentence with “it”
followed by a form of the verb “to be”
when “it” refers to something specific,
such as an object, a place, or an idea identified in the previous sentence or clause.
THE VERMONT BAR JOURNAL • SUMMER 2015
“The motion arrived this morning. It is
on your desk.”
“The motion arrived this morning; it is
on your desk.”
Step Two: Avoid Using Wordy Idioms,
Especially “The Fact That”
Closely akin to starting sentences with
“it is” or “there are” is using wordy idioms. Like “it is” and “there are,” these idioms add words, but no meaning, to your
sentences. Most notable among them are,
“the fact that” and its cousin, “despite t