Viewpoint
America is home to freedom of speech. The views and opinions expressed
in this section are solely those of the original authors. These views and
opinions do not necessarily represent those of Verboten Magazine or its
staff, and/or any, or all, contributors to this magazine. Enjoy!
Consenting Consensually
I want to start by saying that no person
deserves to be non-consensually violated ever.
No one should ever feel they have a right to
something that has not
been agreed to. Lately there
seems to be a movement
that actually further
confuses consent rather
than bringing attention
to it like was its intended
purpose.
Consent, in layman’s
Steel
terms, is agreeing to allow
something to happen or an agreement for
something to be done. This seems simple
enough, until someone begins asking about
Implied, Express, or Informed Consent. Now
don’t get me wrong these are all very important
things and the legality are needed but we have
neither the time nor the space to get involved
in legal definitions. When applied to the world
of BDSM and Kink, in some aspects, consent
has become a new form of aftermath damage
control.
A Top goes to the local dungeon, meets
a lovely bottom and they agree to play. In the
excitement of the moment, the negotiations
are hurried through and the agreements made
with little clarity and both are excited to get to
the cross and engage. In the moment, the Top
grabs his favorite tool and goes to work. The
moans of the bottom are growing louder and
rather than address this he says, “let’s keep you
quiet then, open wide” to which she opens her
mouth and he inserts a ball gag and continues
with their play. Everyone seems to be enjoying
themselves, visibly there is no distress and at
one point the bottom inexplicably ejaculates in
a stream below her. He takes her down, he gets
her water, they talk and laugh, and part with a
cheek kiss and a promise to do it again.
A week later at a munch the Top is asked
to leave, he has been accused of violating the
girl who is afraid for her well-being after his
multiple consent violations, a new term the
bottom only learned about while talking about
her encounter with other people.
See, they never discussed his favorite
toy and she had never experienced one so she
lacked informed consent. In addition to this,
the ball gag was never previously discussed
and although opening her mouth gave implied
consent it stopped her ability to verbally
remove consent should she become distressed
which she may have done before becoming so
aroused that she came without reason. The
bottom was wronged and the Top, thinking he
had a great scene with a new play partner, now
is reduced to an accused predator.
This is a problem I have never had
to face personally as I do not casually play,
all my partners have been committed to a
power dynamic that gave standing consent to
all activities regardless of being told before
hand. The real concern for me is this idea that
someone would agree to anything they were not
prepared for especially with a virtual stranger.
If this is your preferred method of interaction
I hope you choose the right person, because if
you don’t, once tied up and naked it’s hard to
say, “I’d rather not” to someone who is intent
on harming you. Use your thinking head and
know your partner well enough to know if they
have a tendency to harm...the only way this can
be negotiated is TIME.
Your comments will be read if sent
to [email protected], if you have a
question about my unpopular view of things.
See you next issue, where I will discuss Being
New.
Unpopular
Opinions
19