column
Dealing with relationship stressors by MARK WEBB
Mark Webb is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice at Oakwood Counseling Center in Valdosta . He is the author of “ How To Be A Great Partner ” and “ How To Argueproof Your Relationship .” Read more of his articles at www . TheRelationshipSpecialist . com .
If you and your partner are committed to your relationship but have gotten off track , here are questions to ask yourself when facing stress .
• Do You Decrease Your Amount Of Effort ?
One of the worse yet most common responses to relationship problems is to stop working as hard as the other partner . It becomes a battle of “ why should I try when you aren ’ t trying .” If you scale back your effort , you can anticipate that your partner will as well . And where do you think your relationship will end up ? That ’ s right … nowhere good .
Photo by Candice Picard on Unsplash
• Are You Constantly Arguing And Bickering ?
This is a spiraling process that only gets worse and makes the hopes of ever getting your problems resolved seem very unlikely . Oddly , a lot of therapists encourage the same process within their offices . Clients argue in front of the therapist with hopes the therapist will meditate the differences into a peaceful resolve . This is rarely the case . This approach often makes things worse . I believe you can fight at home for free . Make sure if you seek professional help that the therapist is “ solutions-oriented ” in their approach versus an observer .
• Are Your Finances A Problem ?
Everyone knows that they should live within their means but this is a lot easier said than done . If your debt is snowballing or you as a couple are faced with tremendous financial decisions , you will be stressed and likely to argue . This stressor is a tough one because most couples disagree about what is the best way to manage their finances . Explore different financial approaches and see if you can find one that you both can agree with . Consider money management systems available such as Dave Ramsey ’ s Financial Peace University or talk with your banker or a financial advisor who is skilled with good advice .
Are You On Opposite Pages When It Comes To Key Issues ?
Do you and your partner have differing religious or political opinions ? Sometimes it is best to leave such problematic subjects alone for the greater good . Being too strong in your opinions can drive the two of you apart very quickly .
• Are You Pulling Away ? Shutting Down ? And More Withdrawn ?
Problems don ’ t go away by themselves so be careful not to sweep them under the rug . Distancing yourself
48 Valdosta Scene | July 2022