TEENS ON TASK
What’s
In It For
Me?
There is a good reason that the stereotypical view of modern teenagers is they are lazy kids who
just want to sleep in, play computer games, surf the net and hangout with their friends. The reason
this view exists is because all around the world this is all parents see their teenagers doing.
By: Chris Hudson
With this context in mind, here are my 7
Secrets to Motivating Teenagers:
The image of the lazy teenager has become so
commonplace that many people simply assume
that being lazy and unmotivated is a natural
consequence of adolescence. Such thinking,
while understandable, is essentially misguide d.
Once upon a time, teenagers where some of the
most hardworking members of society. Long
before shopping malls, computer games, and
high schools, teenagers were expected to work
with the adults, and work hard.
Many teenagers responded well to this
invitation, did work hard, and were motivated
to do so. They did this because what they were
doing had a point, and it matched their natural
desire to be treated and considered as adults.
Teenagers worked hard learning a trade,
taking on responsibility around the farm,
learning to cook and keep house, striving to
prove themselves in adult company because
they could see these tasks mattered. They
understood how what they were being asked to
do was preparing them for the future. The jobs
themselves were real jobs that had to be done
and hence provided a sense of significance and
value.
1. What is In It For Me?
A lot has changed you might say. And you
are right a lot has changed. But despite all the
changes, teenagers are essentially the same.
What has changed the most is the context in
which teens grow up and the significance of
what they are expected to do.
Very few teenagers completely lack motivation.
What many teenagers lack is the motivation
to do stuff that doesn’t matter, doesn’t seem
important, or is about satisfying an agenda that
doesn’t relate to them.
This is the most important motivational
ingredient of them all!
If your teen does not understand what the task
has to do with them, or their well-being, then
it will be a struggle for them to find the desire
to carry it out.
Teenagers long to feel significant. They want
to demonstrate to themselves and the world
that they matter and are capable of making
a difference. Many of the problems teens
encounter today is because their desire to be
significant is ignored or diminished.
If your teenager understands the value to
them of the task, you will have little problem
motivating them to do it. At this point, I need
to tell many parents that teenagers do not
regard “making their parents life easier” as
being something of high value to them.
If your teenager wants to wear clean clothes,
they will be motivated to cooperate with
requirements relating to laundry. If your
teenager wants to eat they will find the
motivation to cooperate with meal time
chores. Some tasks don’t have consequences
quite so obvious. Personally as a teenager I
couldn’t see how vacuuming the carpet made
any difference to life, so maybe this wasn’t the
best chore for me to do. I did however notice
when the rubbish bin was overflowing. Give
your teen chores thatthey can see value in
doing.
The other common task that is not meaningful
to teenager is homework. Many an adolescent
has failed to see the point of learning algebra
or ancient history. Trying to explain possible
practical uses of abstract learning can be an
exercise in futility.
Youth expert Josh Shipp has a helpful way of
dealing with these types of issues. He talks
about helping teens understand by using the
statement:
“You have to do what you have to do so you
can do what you want to do.”
This is a helpful statement because it is true
in so many areas of life. Sometimes we all do
work for no other reason than it needs to
be done. Helping teenagers see meaningless
tasks as part of life’s greater goals is a valuable
message to pass on.
Getting schoolwork done is necessary for
a teen who wants to get into the university
course of their choice, or be considered for
their dream job one day. Getting out and
finding a part time job is needed if they want
to have money to spend on going out, buying
a car, or getting the latest piece of technology.
This axiom also applies to the chores your
teen doesn’t see as important. By linking the
completing of chores to privileges such as use
of computers, cars, TV’s etc. your teenager
learns that sometimes we do things we don’t
want to do in order to enjoy the things we
want to do. Regular practice is vital to being
able to play well when it comes to the day of
the game or the performance.
2. Let Them Have a Say
If your teenager feels like all they are being
asked to do is to fit into your agenda, your
timetable, and conform to your way of doing
things they are not going to be terribly
motivated.
When parents give the reason “Because
I told you so,” they create a demotivating
environment. Developmentally, teenagers
are seeking to establish themselves as their
own person, independent from their parents.
Is it any wonder that being asked to conform
to a parent’s agenda is demotivating?
Give your teenager a say in what and how
things are done. If your teenager has had a say
in setting the agenda and the timetable they
will be much more motivated to participate.
•
Discuss with them what chores they
would prefer to do around the house.
•
Set deadlines, but give them the
freedom to choose when and how a task is
completed
•
Discuss with them what they think is
a reasonable expectation and then share your
expectations. Try to work to a compromise
position you can both live with.
•
Give your teenager responsibility for
whole tasks. For instance if they have to cook
one night a week, let them set the menu and
arrange for the shopping to be done. Or if