Bridging the Gap of Upbringing
By Mercedez McIntyre
Your Body Cannot be bartered for Love
By Melanin Reigns
Love is a beautiful thing that most of us are not equipped with knowing how to maintain , but only attain . So after you meet , date , commit to a relationship and the honeymoon stage passes you ’ re now introduced to each other in a brand new way . The first time you see each other beyond the rose gold lenses . We are all much more than the person in the relationship but also built by all the things before the relationship . All of life ’ s journeys , battles , triumphs , worries , strengths , insecurities , past relationships , family influence comes into the relationship too .
You find an attraction to all that they are . You find yourself confused just as well by all that they are , I think it ’ s time we start to dig deeper when dating . We ask ourselves , what does it take to really get to know all that makes the person ? What makes them beyond what you think they are made for when it comes to family upbringing ? I ’ ve learned this plays a key role in the factors we may not understand about each other . The process alone of revealing ones self probes a high amount of vulnerability . In that moment you are not only allowing someone in beyond the superficial , but getting your first glimpse of how they handle who you truly are . Do they respond with positivity ? Do they want to learn more ? Are they interested in knowing more ? Are they bored ? Have we considered reciprocity in relationships ?
Most of us come from different backgrounds . You ’ re either the first born , middle child , the baby or maybe the only child . You may come from a one parent home , two parents , or even step-parent home . You may have been adopted , searching for the other parent , or raised by grandparents . All of these elements play a part in who we are as well . The roles we ’ ve played most of our lives are a reflection of the roles we play today . We all grow constantly and heal continuously but there is a reason your partner learned a lesson the way they did . There may be a reason they are more defensive in certain areas and patient in others . Before coming from a place of not understanding in frustration , its time we take a look to understand past what our eyes see and our egos walk away from .
As we have entered in explaining to others that “ Black Lives Matter ”, how deep do we go with this concept in our own homes ? We must really protect the mental and emotional experiences of our partners as we wish to protect the physical safety of others . This is how we truly bond , repair , build and find what most think no longer exists with authentic love . There is no exact science to building the right relationship foundation . However , we can make sure we utilize the tools that are right in front of us to create bonds that allow you to grow together , no matter the status of the relationships we experience throughout life .
Photo Credit- Distinct Eye Photography
Photo Credit- Distinct Eye Photography Models- Entreprenuers Tracie Washington _ Cle Mooring ( Urban Freedom Black Wall St Photo shoot )
Where did the misconception that our bodies can be bartered for love begin ? Perhaps it has never been a conscious thought of our own but what does our patterns and day to day habits reveal about us ? . . .
Pace yourself This is not another “ one night stand ” shaming blog , but in truth , how many women walk away from one night stands feeling refreshed thus looking for nothing further . . .?
NOT MANY . .
It ’ s unnatural for divine creators to take energy from a source and not want to manifest something greater , to be shared amongst the rightful lender and broader community . However , a woman must keep in mind
that just because a man ( or woman taking upon the energy of a masculine vessel ) beds you , it does not ensure that they are willing to co create with you on any level .
Why Does It Matter ? One word : EXPECTATIONS Avoid them at all cost Expectation is the first stepping stone to disappointment . Too often sisters operate in the mindset that if they offer their vagina to someone ; that person is in turn , indebted to love or even maintain communication with them .
FALSE My advice to you is to know yourself . Know your wants , needs , insecurities , shortcomings and your strengths . This makes all of the difference when approaching intimate matters outside of self . Knowing the root of your urges and behaviors will help you indentify if you ’ re being led by your spirit or your wounds . After all , the word intimacy phonetically defines itself as : IN TO ME I SEE .
Your vagina is not and will never be an offering or ticket for a man or masculine vessel to see the rest of you . I promise , sex on the first date isn ’ t the issue . Sex as a tradeoff for the protection and provisions of a man is .
So what ’ s your best option ? Do not expect , EXPERIENCE ! Take a deep breath , you no longer have to hold yourself hostage to the spell of emotional and mental co-dependency . You are free to choose what is best for you , and I mean ALWAYS choose what is best for you .
How can you be sure ? Reciprocity .. It is no secret that new age women give too much of themselves , sexually , emotionally and financially ; in hopes of acquiring what seems to be the unattainable in this generation .
Genuine , patient and consistent love . However , what is settled for majority of the time falls short of just that . Most relationships and bonds are formed of attachment , the illusion of comfortability , and codependency . Be sure that the circulation of energy is healthy .
As receivers , we must be extremely careful what we are allowing into our space .
It ’ s best not to compromise out of sexual starvation ! Maintaining a level of sexual discipline will keep your thinking clear . Ask yourself , “ Am I being led by my spirit or my wounds ?” “ Will this interaction benefit me or will I regret it after ?” “ Will the person I am thinking of compromising for , value and appreciate my mind , body , and soul ?” And lastly “ Am I willing to share this bond with someone without possession ?” Have a conversation with your higher and lower self , in order to find your balance but most importantly ; refrain from bartering your body in hopes of gaining love .
The temple of God resides within each of us .
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