The Meditations of Caius Caligulia
overthrow me — in favor, I suspect, of Agrippinilla’s son Nero, a monstrous boy, which would
have meant the mother’s rule.The thought of it sickens me.
The details of this came out, as they always do. It was a slave who told me; a kindly old man
who had been in our family’s service for years and had somehow been passed to my sister. His
name was Bennus, and I gave him his freedom as a reward, and a bit of land purchased with
money from my sister’s estate. She sits on an island and kicks her heels because it is not in me
to shed blood that from my mother and father came. I am a model of Roman propriety on such
matters. Even Gemellus’ death weighed heavily on me, truth be told, and he was a mere
cousin. I had bad dreams.
This was the extent of my mercy.The senators involved were given the opportunity to open
their veins, in respect of their stature (yes, I am serious about that. I hate the senators, but I do
not destroy the Senate, do I?). But Gaeticulus was another matter. As a commander and
soldier, his treason cried out to me. I led the Praetorian Guard, and several other hastily
assembled legions, on a forced march from a villa in Umbria. I did so quietly; no one in the
Senate knew I was even leaving Italy. Several of the conspirators were even in my train, with
no knowledge of my suspicion. I laughed in my tent many a night as I slept.
Gaeticulus had no news of my coming, and no opportunity to prepare his troops to resist me.
Not that he would have had much success at this. Everything I saw when I arrived displayed a
weakening of military readiness - Gaeticulus had traded discipline for popularity. I cannot
imagine why Tiberius - a man who was never popular, but always respected by his soldiers -
allowed him to remain where he was. Power had addled his mind more than I dared guess.
In any case, Gaeticulus’ nerve failed him at once. He offered to sell out the other conspirators
in exchange for his wretched life. I listened, heard nothing I did not already know, and had him
executed by drawing and quartering. His screams were a tonic to me.
Thereafter I spent the season reorganizing the forces on the Rhine frontier. I replaced
Gaeticulus with Sulpicius Galba, a good old soldier of a good family. He set at once putting the
iron back in his men, and they were able the following year to win good victories against the
Germans.
I take credit for this, obviously. Battles are not the affairs of great forces, but a great collection
The Meditations of Caius Caligulia
of individuals struggles. The army is the soldier. When the soldier is healthy, well-fed,
disciplined, and trained, he can only be beaten if his commanders fail him. By setting a good
commander to get the Rhine legions in order, I created the necessary conditions for victory.
Also, I trust you will note the military virtues I demonstrated in dispatching the conspiracy:
swiftness, preparation, deception, and above all ruthlessness. Had I been tardy, the matter
would have come to a battle between legions, which would have been a better test of my
abilities as a commander, but a mark on my career as an emperor.The greatest of victories is
the one that comes to you without fighting.
Of course, this comes with a cost.Wars can be one with blood or with strategy, but they need
coin. So I spent the winter in Lyon raising it.This gave me the opportunity of providing the
Romanish Gauls with an imperial face. I could accept obeisance and gifts from the wealthy
citizens, and adjudicate matters of minor importance. I made sure to have locals on hand to
advise me as to local customs. One principle of Roman governance I have always agreed with
is our habit to judge men according to their own tribal laws and customs. Not only is this of
immense practical utility, but it is true to Nature. Men cannot undo their birth or their
ancestry; they carry it with them. A Gaul is a Gaul, the way a Roman is a Roman.While laws
and customs can adjust and move over time, as men will, acknowledging facts must always be
part of a God’s reality.
Speaking of that, I dealt with another matter of interest while in Lyon.We have in Rome a
quantity of that dispersed tribe, the Judeans, who are greatly animated about their particular
god, to the point of being unable to offer worship or even acknowledge the existence of
others. What’s more, from what I have understood from their conversation, their God is
beyond all categories, separate and distinct from the world. Now, on the one hand, this is all
ludicrous. Gods are great forces, eternal realities, and certainly greater than Nature inasmuch
as they are the fons et origo of it. But they are multiple and distinct.The sky is not the sea, and
the heavens are not the underworld.Time is not Earth and Earth is not Time.This is all quite
obvious. A God that claimed to be the author of them all would have to be insane.
And yet, I appreciate the unifying principle of it. One god, one king, it has a certain charm. A
certain logic.To unify all under one emperor, why not unify all under one god? Perhaps in a
distant age the gods will all join together, or all be slain, the deity that survives will rule the
heavens and the earth.