The answer of course, lies in the fate of the Divine Julius. When they are not polishing my
caligae with their tongues, they are conspiring against me. They believe that I can be contained by this.
They believe that I do not see them coming. Of course I do! Even Tiberius saw them coming, which is
why he grew sick of them and wandered off to Capri. They think themselves clever. Some of them even
are. But when cleverness is expected, it no longer surprises, and without surprise, no conspiracy can be
successful.
Hence, the more clever the conspiracy, the more boring it is to me. The elaborate ones, the
ones that seek to silently build support among certain key persons, deemed powerful, are the worst.
Imbeciles. You do not build support for a conspiracy; you conspire and then demand support for it
afterwards. That is where Brutus and Cassius failed. They imagined that Rome was chafing to be free of
the Divine Julius, and so assumed that the people would fall into their hands. No. They should have
murdered everyone, Augustus included, and then either seized power in new elections or run off to
exile.
But if they bungled the epilogue, at least they pulled off the main act. They kept it simple: A
dozen senators with knives, a distraction, and a moment to strike. They even called themselves the Kill
Caeser Club, openly and proudly, depending on the Divine Julius' magnanimity to prevent him taking
them seriously. Fine cheek, that. It would never happen anymore. The senators are so cowed by the
mere suspicion of criticism of the emperor that they have not the actual courage to openly defy one. If
someone started having a Kill Caligulia Club at their home, I would go and dine with them, and gladly. I
might even apply for membership. Who could resist the temptation to break bread with the last honest
men in Rome?"
It is the dishonesty I cannot abide, more than anything else. The lies and the duplicity, the
fawning and the daggers. The obviousness of them! And the official lies are worst of all. Take the
pretense that began my reign: that I would share power with my cousin Gemellus. Two emperors! As if