Under Construction @ Keele 2018 Vol. IV (II) | Page 43

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Fig 1. Author’s Sketch. 2
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I wasn’t sure whether to grow my hair so that it would be feminine, so that it would softly jostle
with the wind. With an eye on rhythm and tempo, I knew she would play with it, teasing a
waltzing 3/4 beat with her happy hands. But the tingle of ‘oh not again’ and ‘it always is’ haunts
internally. My other woman – who won’t shut up – inspires a racing anger, enlarged by a sense
of boredom. She grates; it’s my stroke she took from me. As if my heart could race
uncontrollably, like hers?
The haemorrhage was mindful, structured and timely. It burst like an embarrassment,
shot at and contused, and it flooded my skin. So I decided not to grow my hair because it
wouldn’t suit that gratified face. The douching of pores with sparkly blusher, just the ticket.
Even so, I remember that she had copied my imperfections – that long, wistful darkish
hair she had transformed into a short, mess. ‘Bed head’ they call it.
Is it love or hate? Emotions are never more or less, right or wrong, they’re just there.
I could ‘be the man’ whose woman loves to polish his head. But it struck me, instead,
to interrupt her flow – to speak, to mesmerise. But I didn’t know what to do, so I shut up shop
and hid from sight.
The image contains eyes, speared hearts with dashed lines in patterns surrounding them to signify
the divided self. It is an example of ‘Outsider art’, which is usually described as art by a novice, but
still deeply infused with psychological symbolism.
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