UJ Zimsoc Issue 2 | Page 23

SOCIAL

UNCHAINED
How to get a Zimbo Girl
5.
2.

BY STR8

So, you met an amazing girl. She is

beautiful, funny, intelligent and ZIMBABWEAN. Obviously, you want her
to be into you. Nothing is worse than
getting shoved into the friend zone or
getting too nervous to impress.
It is okay to be single (aka f**boys) by
choice and want to do your thing. But
fellas let’
s be honest, getting to your
room and having no one to text goodnight can be lonely. It’
s time to face
some hard truths. The dating game is a
survival of the fittest and if you're
barely scraping by and about to
embark on yet another cuffing season
solo, you need to evolve.
Here is what you need to get a Zimbabwean lady. This applies mainly to
fellow Zimbo guys since we are constantly being called “
trash”
:

1.

No Baggy Clothes

Baggy clothes/FUBU were the styles
of the nineties. I know they can be
comfortable and you can sit with your
feet on the table (which is not cultural
by the way), but gentlemen there is
something called slim fit. No matter if
you're into shopping at expensive
places or Joburg town, any
well-dressed man will tell you that it
always comes down to fit. Dressing
your best does not only get you that
girl, it simply makes you feel damn
good about yourself. During formal
presentations (we see you Accounting
guys), make sure your tie is the
correct length. If left too long it will
look sloppy, if too short it will look
clownish. I am not going to start about
oversized suits. Also, get a nice trim
(especially
engineering
guys),
zveAfro iskiri rekuHigh School.

U J ZIM SOC | ISSU E 2

Airtime Budget

Past studies have shown that Zimbo
women love airtime more than
flowers. Guys I am not trying to scare
you but make sure you have a budget
for that R20 MTN. I’
ve heard of a
story which went like
Guy: "Good morning angel"
Zim Girl: "This angel can’
t fly, it
needs airtime"

“Get a nice trim, especially
engineering guys, zveAfro iskiri
rekuHigh School remukonyo”

3.

I love You

I understand we sometimes want
love so much, but Zim men you
need to stop saying “
I love you”on
the first day. STOP IT! Love is an
intense feeling of romantic attachment based on an attraction felt by
one person for another, typically
combined with sexual passion.
Guys this does not happen within a
week. I know there is no appropriate timeframe in which it is acceptable to first say “
I love you”
, but
gents we should say this with as
much meaning as possible.

4.

Take a Shower

Gentleman, I can’
t find a polite way to
say this. You know when a group of loud
Zimbo guys pass you on campus, there is
a trail of odour that strikes you. Yes, you
know what I’
m talking about. Gents we
need to sort this out. Well, you should
know that bathing doesn’
t just keep you
fresh and smelling good, but also serves
to keep you fit and healthy. Deodorant is
not optional! Axe costs R20 at campus
square, I prefer Mitchum for the armpits,
a bit expensive but lasts the whole day.

6.

Be Patient

Lastly, be patient, good things take time, or
do they? You don’
t want to come entirely
too strong and too fast. See, one thing with
Zim ladies is that they don’
t want to come
out as “
easy”
. They generally take a conservative position and you must work hard
to get in. You might have to attend one or
two church services, but my brother once
you get her you won’
t regret it. But also,
know when to give up…….

KFC/McDonald’
s

I’
m not sure where to start here.
Gents, taking a lady out to KFC or
McDonald’
s is not the same as
taking her out for a proper
lunch/dinner. Unless if she is in first
year.

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