PublicHouse
Avoiding Political Discussion and General Interactions with People You Hate in the Workplace or A. P. D. G. I. W
I work in Retail. Which, even in the best of times, is it ´ s very own circle of hell all by itself. If it isn’ t rude customers, difficult managers or workplace gossip, it is only made more ball breakingly infuriating by …“ Did you vote leave or remain?” and then having them spend the next 20 minutes saying why you shouldn’ t have picked the choice that you did because it simply wasn’ t theirs while all you’ re trying to do is eat your sandwich in the staffroom in the 15 minutes of peace and quiet you get a day.“ Trump or Hillary?” I don’ t fucking care, I’ m not a Yank is apparently not the appropriate response to the crotchety old lady that is just dying to have her racist rant at you while you scan her Tenna Lady through the bastard till that has just frozen on you so you have to make conversation with the bint a little longer. Customer service is all about one
Avoid at all costs having your colleagues on social media.
thing. Making the customer feel pink and fluffy, and that they’ ve had a good shopping experience so that they return to make your corporate demon overlords their massive paycheck at the end of the year, while you slave away on minimum wage trying not to punch the girl you just asked if wants a bag, if they don’ t mind the five pence charge to be met with the response“ sure why not, the patriarchy isn’ t charging us tax on our tampons anymore!” Other than wishing and fantasising painful torture methods for your customers and your colleagues in your head, the other option is avoiding the subject all together. Avoid at all costs having your colleagues on social media. If any of the people that I work with glimpsed the person who tears feminists to pieces with liberal use of the word“ cunt” and frequently squares up to the big boys if I don’ t agree with their opinion, compared to the mild mannered, polite and helpful person that I am at work, they would probably have a heart attack or I would almost certainly be fired. If you use your social media to campaign, rant or talk about anything that could even remotely rustle a few politically correct feathers, it’ s best to keep your work life and social life separate. Keep your interactions with customers brief. Not only could a full on political debate hold up your queue if you’ re on tills, irritating other customers, your colleagues dealing with the now irritated customers, and you because you have to actually interact with these people for every minute of every day until you retire or find something better, but I’ m also reasonably certain that sharing your political views if they are anything other than“ I agree with everyone ever” is contractually frowned upon. Channel your inner Hitler elsewhere. Ask closed questions. Rather than saying“ How are you today?” which could lead to a full on meltdown or their lifestory, Ask yes and no questions, quickly get through your sales spiel before wishing them sincerely to have a good day. Even if in your head you’ re hoping them, their shopping, and the storecard they didn’ t sign up for get hit by a bus. Similarly to not including your work colleagues in your social media, If you are forced to interact with the cretins you work with outside of work, there is two ways you can go with this. Either, do not consume alcohol at all so you can keep control of the conversation you engage in, or get so shitfaced you can’ t talk. Evaluate and decide whether you want to make a fool of yourself by professing your undying love for Boris Johnson, or being sick on your managers shoes in a shared taxi on the way home. Pretend to be incredibly dull. If questioned about your hobbies, rather than admit that you spend hours on the internet debating with people that have been indoctrinated by crybullies into thinking that we still need feminism in the west, say that you catalogue newspaper clippings of obituaries in alphabetical order on the weekends. Try to be as convincing
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