Have you ever reached the stage where you just snapped at something that happened or at something someone said and the next thing you are yelling all the things that have been laying deep inside you for months - or years?
Or you have had a challenging day and managed to control yourself - you commend yourself on your amazing self control but the first driver on your route home, that shows lack of consideration, causes you to 'lose it'?
Most times, what causes us to snap, is is not the big stuff that we've been harboring for such a long time, but something relatively small - a glance, a casual comment, a flippant remark! This seems to change the rules of the game and the playing field suddenly becomes a war zone!
Because we feel that advantage has been taken - over and over, again - the victim in us comes out, shouting "ENOUGH"! Our words and actions are intended to wrap us in armor to protect us from further damage.
But, in fact, it simply proves our weakness to the other party, if not done in the correct way.
The best recourse, is to simply walk away from the 'war zone' and to not 'react'. BE PROACTIVE, not REACTIVE.
Using leading words that beg a response, sometimes helps:
Here is a general overview of some of the main steps to take in getting through a crisis or dealing with acute stress:
1. Assume a calm, unthreatening posture and then identity the source of caused crisis or stress. If you are agitated or tense, lower raised arms and relax your fists to open your hands. Relax your facial muscles and body, so you will begin to feel and exhibit physical calm.
2. Identify the words, event, or situation in your present office environment which led to, or is causing feelings and reactions of stress, anger or panic: Has that high-priority shipment to the company’s best client been lost? Were you forced to forfeit the most important sale of the year to an overly aggressive competitor? Did your best friend just win the promotion?
3. Re-establish calm and sensible verbal communication to start to alleviate the problem. Speak reasonably and calmly to the agitated or stressed-out staff member, and wait until they are calm to address the problem or situation to be solved. If you are the stressed one, treat yourself the same way.
4. Always rely on the helpful assistance of your boss and co-workers in solving stressful or crisis situations. The calm, reasonable assurance and knowledge of more than one person is always beneficial.
14 - TCnbc Magazine
* 'What would happen if.....', shows that you are willing to resolve the problem and invites the other person to participate.
* 'It seems as though we have experienced a failure to communicate, and ......' acknowledges that a problem exists and that no intention of ill-will was intended. It places the problem on neutral ground that both parties may observe from their side of the fence, thereby having a common goal. Instead of being adversaries, they become part of the same team against the enemy ~ the problem.
* 'What can I do, to make this right....' illustrates that you have a willingness to work together to overcome the problem.
* 'What would you suggest as a solution to this problem?'
Above all, try not to start the conversation or answer a question with 'You...', as this shows that you are laying blame and the other party will build a defense against your attack. Using any of the phrases above will result in them letting their guard down and paving the way to successful negotiation.
Continued on page 16