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My new role was not giving me the satisfaction or adrenaline I was used too , not too dis-similar to a midlife crisis . Instead of buying a sports car and running off with the secretary I started to invest too much of myself in training the Cadets , preparing them for war when they got to their units . In reality they were more than likely to drive a desk straight out of the college .
The drinking then came which was hard on me , but much harder on my family . I was angry all the time . I ’ d become a high functioning alcoholic , holding on to what I hoped was just a phase before returning to my mates in a flying role and being able to deploy again .
It came to a head when a very close friend of mine gave me a verbal ‘ uppercut ’, pointing out that what I was doing was “ not normal ”. He was right , yet I felt that PTSD was something only the soldiers of the most serious of conflicts were exposed to . I found it hard to comes to terms with , it was much easier to say I was just hypervigilant , had some anxiety , and found it hard to sleep at night . I was headed down a dark path of self-harm , one that has taken the lives of so many veterans in the past .
As 2016 neared its end I found nothing was helping . I was medically discharged early the following year . This separation from the army , my brothers in arms , and a loss of identity cannot be overstated . The world I had known had collapsed and even though I could undergo numerous surgeries for my physical injuries nothing could fix my headspace , I spent days ruminating on ‘ woe is me ’ thoughts .
Fortunately , my wife was also a serving member , and even more fortuitous , a psychologist . Although she was unable to treat me she was certainly more understanding than most would be when confronted with my behaviour . My wife introduced me to a woman who worked with the Australian War Memorial ( AWM ), a woman who more or less told me to “ get off my arse ” and to volunteer my time . This changed the course of my life .
Whenever I thought I was having a bad day , physically
or mentally , I would go and look at the names on the Roll of Honour . I would read their stories in the galleries , giving me a much-needed perspective , for these men and women had it so much worse .
This led to training to become a volunteer guide , taking the public through the galleries , and sharing Australia ’ s wartime past with them . The gallery was undergoing a redevelopment and I was asked to help as a technical advisor in a few different departments . It was an absolute honour . I was now working with highly educated historians and devoted curators getting the future displays correct , it was helping me find a drive and meaning in my life once more .
Initially I could never make a point of speaking about my own service , eventually it would become comfortable to talk about it if asked which , in turn , led me to working with the children who come and visit the Australian War Memorial , answering their questions of what life in the army , as a soldier , is all about . It ’ s a task I still cherish the most .
Sharing the stories of other veterans , alive or dead , has become a passion and I truly believe that veterans from all services and roles have a story to be told not just those who deployed as infantry or special forces . Everyone has a piece in the puzzle . Everyone should be honoured to share their stories , especially with families . Whilst my time as a guide is primarily about the Australian experience of war , I also like to talk about those soldiers of foreign forces who served their countries with honour and distinction . Being the grandson of an Australian soldier on my father ’ s side as well as a German soldier on my mother ’ s side in the Second World War , I make a point of representing all soldiers who fought for their nations whether they were friend or foe . It is the dedication to one ’ s country and individual sacrifice that are important , not which country they called home . We need not look far in modern day alliances to understand the enemies of our past can be
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