new jersey , bought specially for this race , is now in tatters . After three more attempts , my heart feels like it ’ s going to burst out of my chest , and I can feel the familiar signs of heat stroke coming on . I secretly hope that my heart does burst on this hill , and something finally stops this madness . I ’ m a lunatic to be continually charging at this terrain , only to be knocked out each time , and for some reason ; I can ’ t seem to quit .
It ’ s only twenty metres ! Surely , I can do it . I can do it . I will do it . I look at the summit as I try to gather more strength to lift the bike once more . It ’ s so close . It must be possible . This feels like a pivotal moment in the two-week race , and one that I must overcome . Victory is within sight . Just keep trying ...
I dig deep within myself but produce little . I feebly try to rake some of the cursed stones out of the way with my boots , futilely wasting more energy , and not achieving much in my personal war . I create a small launch pad of traction , pointed right up the crux of the hill , but despite all my best efforts , I cannot line the bike up on my approach , and drift off into the mess and crash out once again . I cannot , will not , admit to myself that I simply do not have the skill for this . I can do it . I will do it .
For days , I ’ ve been riding harder than all the other riders , just to be able to keep up . I ’ ve destroyed my bike , pushed insanely hard and stretched my physical ability , to simply keep up with the pack . I never want to acknowledge any barriers in my life , but try as I might , I
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