TRAVEL FEATURE - INDIA
KEVIN LEAR
DEAD BY AROUND LUNCHTIME
India , the land of mystery , intrigue , leopards , tigers , snakes , mosquito ’ s , camels , spiders , and dust but the worst of all ... I was to arrive in New Delhi for the very first time and was thinking to myself , I will land and get myself through customs , be picked up and should be dead by around lunchtime ( at least that was the vision English TV had given me ).
The stories you will read as we progress together are interesting , challenging , unbelievable , breath taking and at times , well more than at times , hilarious ( looking back ).
India , 1.2 Billion people , 7 Policemen , quite a few frightened goats , lots of teeth , roads that will scare the living daylights out of you , especially when they just disappear , along with vehicles coming towards you on the same side of the road trying to kill you , fabulous people , jaw-dropping historical places , food to make your tongue go numb and your eyes water , all in a land smothered in a billion colours .
Welcome to the land of dreams - that will change your life ‘ forever ’!
Allow me to start at the beginning , then there will be some stuff in the middle , and , ultimately , we will reach the end together . India , who wants to go to India . I had seen bits on TV about India and why would anyone want to go there . After all , it looked madder than a madman with every reason to be mad with a side order of mad .
Plus , the vision I had was they all lived in shacks or tents , and poo ’ d into holes in the ground having placed their feet in 2 ‘ foot holes ’. It was even worse for me as I wear an ileostomy bag on my belly for my poo , so how the hell was I going to ‘ squat ’, hold myself up , open the ileostomy bag Velcro fastening , push out the poo , wipe the opening , close the Velcro … maybe I could place some string around a tree and hold
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