ANNOYING TRAVELER
PROFILE:
THE WANNABE KEROUAC
You know the guy.
He’s in your hostel dorm, shirtless, wearing
a pair of Hawaiian-patterned board shorts,
and he’s telling anyone and everyone
he can’t wait to get “back on the road”.
BY ADAM WATTS
What “the road” refers to is an
ever-changing enigma, meaning
anything from an unspecified
spiritual place where profound
soul-searching
happens
and
existential crises are explored
and resolved, to a straight line of
tarmac backed up with three miles
of traffic.
Before
his
trans-continental
hitchhiking
adventure
from
London to Beijing by way of
Patagonia, “the road” is anywhere
outside of his parents’ house in
middle England. He thinks he’s
Kerouac because he has no plans,
has done no research, and says
he literally wants to be carried
by the breeze. When you tell him
Patagonia is in no way on the route
between London and Beijing,
he says “whatever dude, it’s not
about the places I go. It’s about
the people I meet. You just don’t
get it.”
Once he’s left home, things
invariably fall apart for the
Wannabe Kerouac. After a few
successful,
easy
hitchhikes
through Central Europe, he ends
up in Belarus. Here nobody wants
to give him a ride. Day turns to
night, his stomach is empty, and
he curls up by the side of a road,
sucking his thumb and missing his
PlayStation.
if the wannabe Kerouac survives
these dark nights and you find him
in a hostel somewhere in Asia, he’ll
probably be telling everyone about
the time he slept by the side of the
road in Russia in winter (because he
has to exaggerate now, of course)
and how it was totally worthwhile
to discover things about himself
and was actually glad it happened.
He might even believe it himself.
Favorite book/movie/TV show: On
the Road by Jack Kerouac. Because
obviously.