COLUMN - Business Development
Find The Story
Everybody has their own story they want to tell. Your job as a good listener is to find out what that story is and to elicit it. Anybody can be a listener when it comes to talking about common topics of discussion, but good listeners are the ones who dig around to find out where the button that when pushed, will get the other person to start talking about what he/she loves.
The story may be about the time they scored the winning goal. The story might be about the dream house they wish to own. It may be about the restaurant they want to open. It might be about the good times in college. Whatever it is, it won’t become apparent right away. You’ve got to dig around until you find a topic where you’ll see their eyes light up and that right there is what you should pursue.
Really Desire To Understand.
When you find the story they want to talk about and they start telling you excitedly about it, really, truly desire to understand what it is they’re saying.
What this will do is conform your whole body and mind toward the speaker. Your body will face the speaker. Your eyes will lock onto his/her eyes. Your eyes won’t shift and scan the room. You'll begin to mirror their body language unconsciously. You’ll keep quiet. Your mind will be focused on the words coming out of his/her mouth. Ask for clarification if you don’t understand. Most people will be very happy to clarify. This is very flattering to the other person because it means you really are interested and listening.
Sometimes, just to test if people are really listening to me, I throw out a few complex nuggets of information here and there to test if they’ll ask for clarification. If they just nod along as I throw that information out, I’m pretty sure they are not actively listening. They’re probably just listening politely.
On rare occasions, it’s possible they may know what I threw out, but again, very rare. I also know for a fact that I’m not the only one who uses this test from time to time. You’ll find a lot of people do.
use it.
When the test comes, don’t fail, ask. Asking for examples is a great way to get clarification. I often use this when I don’t have a clue. When i am given an example, clarification clicks in my head. Then I put what they’re saying in my own words and check i have fully understood. This is an excellent way to really understand what the person is talking about.
Listen, Don’t Solve
Don’t offer advice until it's requested. Remember, the reason why good listeners are good listeners is because they do just that, they listen. Sometimes, people just want to vent and get everything out of their system. The truth is everybody does, and they will appreciate it if you let them do just that.
Show Appreciation
When you have really listened, it is really you who has come out on top because you learned so many different things. Show appreciation by thanking the person for all the things you learned. The ironic thing here is that even before you begin to thank them, sometimes you'll find they will be the ones to thank YOU.
Sohail Khan is the World's Top Joint Venture Business Expert and Head of Business Development for Training Magazine Middle East.
He is also author of 'Guerrilla Marketing and Joint Ventures' with the late Jay Conrad Levinson.
http://www.MillionDollarPartneringBook.com