TOTAL ORDER ISSUE 102 - Page 20

Who ’ s A Rockstar ?

By DJ Pearlman

DJ Pearlman is the writer / singer / guitarist for the hard rock band , REVEL 9 . He has a weekly radio show based on music he ’ s collected on his iPod called the Hard Rock Lunch Box where he discusses his life and dealings in and around the scene . It airs Thursdays from NooN to 2PM EST
Occupation : Entertainer , Song Writer , Musician
That ’ s what it says on my tax return . Do you know why it says that ? Because I am a God Damn Rockstar . But like , actually . You know who isn ’ t a rockstar ? 95 % of the people that actively use that term these days .
As per Oxford English Dictionary :
Rockstar [ noun ] a famous and successful singer or performer of rock music . “ a teen-idol rock star ”
Oh , but what really pisses me off is the secondary and newest definition …
a person treated as a celebrity , especially in inspiring fanatical admiration . “ she was a total rock star with paparazzi chasing her ”
Uh , no . No “ she ” wasn ’ t . And no , you aren ’ t either .
Let ’ s look at this another way .
I have been known to like the occasional dog ( ok , most dogs ) and I can even have them sit ( sometimes ). Am I the dog whisperer now ? And I happen to have three fire extinguishers in the house and can put out a lit match with my fingers ! Am I a fireman ? ( Yo , can I run the siren ???) Of course not . Because that ’ s ridiculous . But hey , I ’ m going on a book tour : Call Me “ ROCK- STAR ”! Shame on you .
Perhaps instead of trying to be something you aren ’ t , stick to what you ’ re good at and embrace it . If you ’ re some rising name in politics , or some hot shot CEO of a “ startup ” ( ugh , just the word makes me vomit a little ) or , for Christ ’ s sake , yet another person on the lecture circuit , just refer to yourself as what you actually are and be grateful that you ’ re at the top of doing whatever you ’ re doing . Because I ’ ll let you in on a little secret – well , not so much a secret – you ’ re NOT a rockstar .
“ A famous and successful singer or performer of rock music .” While “ fame ” and “ success ” can obviously be subjective , “ singer or performer of rock music ” is kind of specific . And even though that ’ s still a little open ended for me , I can run with it . And until you spend a few hours learning to sing or learning to play an instrument , get a few songs together - rock songs , specifically ( sorry country fans ) – drag your ass to a venue , and perform to AT LEAST one screaming fan , you are no rockstar . Period . Because that ’ s what it takes , day after day , year after year , record after record , callous
after callous , laryngitis after laryngitis … you get the point , right ? And seriously , that ’ s just an average Tuesday for me . So until you do ANY of that , how about we go easy on what you think of yourself . I don ’ t go around calling myself the Queen , so stop calling yourself a rockstar .
And if I haven ’ t made my point yet , let me just highlight this one little remaining ( Continued on page 62 )
I am soooooo tired , of every single “ wannabe ” around here glomming off of something that I actually do in the real world . I don ’ t know of another profession that is so egregiously and flippantly traded upon more than mine . Can you think of one ? Right .