Good behaviour and pet hates
Some of our children lead double lives in terms of their personal behaviour .
Jim Hollian - Education Consultant , Teacher and Leadership Training , retired Head Teacher
Some of our children lead double lives in terms of their personal behaviour . The child who is a ‘ little angel ’ at school can be the proverbial demon at home .
This is largely due to home and school applying different , and sometimes conflicting standards and expectations for the child . This can cause confusion and anxiety for the child , the parent , and yes , even the teacher ! Sometimes the reverse of this can often create problems .
I remember when I was a Headteacher , we had a year six boy who had become very aggressive and anti-social at playtime . We had tried several strategies and I asked
8
Mum would she lend her support as we monitored his behaviour and sanctioned if and when required . She spoke to her son that night and returned to me the next day a distraught and snivelling 11 year old who looked both admonished and terrified . I was amazed at his change of attitude and asked , as I thanked her , how she had brought about this transformation . “ Oh ” she said , “ It was no problem . I just told him that if he didn ’ t behave for you I would kill his guinea pig ” ( I promise this is true ).
Although this threat had the desired result , I would never suggest it is a good strategy to traumatise an individual . Children , more than anything else , need consistency , and this incident led me to arrange and deliver many training courses for the parents of our school on how to improve your child ’ s behaviour and your management of it . There are several things we can do to achieve this aim …
• Find out how the school deals with behaviour and apply similar approaches in terms of your expectations , golden rules and sanctions
• Never blame the child – blame the action instead ( if a child feels that they are horrible , cruel , nasty or wicked , they will be )
• Develop set routines and stick to them
• Praise regularly and often , even for the tiniest things (“ Well done Robert , you blew your nose beautifully then ”)
• Apply appropriate sanctions and stick to them . Do what you say you will do and be consistent
• Explain the rule ( children can usually tell you what they should be ) and give children a get out clause or choice … “ You ’ ve got ten minutes to tidy this room or you will go to bed early with lights off – it ’ s up to you ”
• Set small targets and remember that some changes have to be made gradually and progressively
• Practice what you preach in terms of behaviour standards , children are wonderful at spotting contradictions
• After applying a sanction , make friends , your relationship with your child is the most precious possession you have .
Finally , if you are having a hard time in terms of your child ’ s behaviour get in and talk to your school . It is staffed by experts who have seen it all before and can offer strategies and support and maybe even a cup of tea . Remember , your school want exactly what you want , the very best for your child . We all want to be better parents but sometimes we need a few tips and a little advice . There is no shame in that .
So the key messages are , Support and be supported by your school and leave that guinea pig alone !